July 2004

Well, It's July. Summer is here in full force, at least down here in South Florida and I love it. They finally got the refrigeration for our pool repaired. Now the water is nice and cool. I bet some people don't realize that here in South Florida we have to cool our pools down in summer. Well, you do if you don't want to swim in 90 F + water. I for one don't like to jump into a pool only to find it as warm as bathtub water. So now our pool is nice and refreshing. Dieter goes swimming in the morning. I go when I return from practicing tennis. And then we both go swimming around 5:00P.M. So, we really enjoy and use the pool.

Yesterday, I picked up my new tennis racket. I had to keep it hid from Dieter. He would explode if he new that I bought another tennis racket. Anyway, about 3:00 P.M. I took my brand new racket over to the tennis court and started practicing my serve and then hitting against the wall. It worked great. As I was leaving, I stopped by the clubhouse to fill my water bottle with ice cold water from the water fountain and who did run into but the hairy old man Mr. M. that I like so much. He asked what I was doing at the courts and I told him that I usually come and practice in the afternoon. I told him I just got a new racked. He asked to see it. So I pulled it out of my tennis bag and showed it to the handsome, hairy old man. He then asked if he could try it out. So, I said "Why don't we hit a few balls."

So, I got my chance to hit against the old goat. And although, I didn't do my best, I did hit some good shots alone with the wild misses caused by not getting my racket back soon enough. The old man hits low drives and I'm not used to handling balls coming at me at such high speeds. But, like I said I did hit some killer shots. Enough so that the old man said that I would do alright playing on the courts. Now that I've hit balls with Mr. M. I hope to slowly to develop a friendship with him. Of course the results that I'm after is sex with the old man. I probably will never make it with him but it's my goal.

Dieter complained about his leg and back hurting today while we were in the pool. The leg that is bothering him is his right leg, the one that has the spots of cancer. That worries me. I'm also worried about his back hurting. But I didn't let him know that I was concerned. I'm going to have to watch him closely.

If you have read my journal over the months, then you will probably remember that I had a dinner party and invited two of Rich's friends (they had invited us to their place for dinner when Rich was visiting). Their names are Roger and Shawn. Roger, is a preacher at a church on Las Olas. Well, Shawn got sick about a month ago. Terrible pain in his legs, back and actually became paralyzed. The doctors thought he had a strange disease that I can't remember the name of, but they said he would get better slowly. Well, turned out he had cancer that had spread to his brain. He passed way about a week ago. These things can happen so damn fast. Dieter's melanoma can spread just that fast also. Sure, he's fine at this point in time. But I do have a sinking feeling that he will not be with me this time next year. I hope I am wrong. Man do I hope I'm wrong.

Saturday 9:09 PM.

Not much happened yesterday. Of course I practiced tennis in the morning and then in the afternoon Dieter and I went to Fort Lauderdale shopping as I made my PO Box run. Got home so late I couldn't do my usual afternoon tennis session. And it rained this morning so I couldn't practice. I was glad to finally get out on the court this afternoon. I had watched two younger Russian playing tennis Friday morning and finally thought I saw how to do a back hand slice. So this afternoon, I only practiced the stroke. And really like hitting a back hand slice. In a couple of weeks I think I'll have it down fairly well.

On m way home I came by the clubhouse and Mr. M. as setting up to hit some balls from his ball machine. I said hello. He asked if I was heading home and I say yes. Then he said I should hit some balls with him. Well, I was late and knew Dieter would want to go swimming, but I couldn't say no to the handsome hairy old man. So, I unpacked my racket and got out on the court with him. And he almost blew me away he hit the ball so hard. I'm use to the ball  coming off the wall slow and most of the time waiting for it to bound twice before hitting the it. The old man's strokes were blazing! He had me back on my heels the entire time. I just couldn't get the hang of preparing my racket quick enough. Well, I did hit a couple of winners, but if we had been playing a game, the old man would have cut through me like a hot knife through butter.

But, I was so pleased that he asked me to hit with him. I do want to get to be friends with him. I don't think he's gay (he's married). And I don't think I'll ever get a chance to make a pass at him, but I like him and will continue to try getting to know him better. I think I can learn a lot from hitting against him.

Dieter and I went for a nice swim when I got home. Usually we are the only one in the pool that late in the afternoon, but today there were several others . . . three women and two kids . . . no old men, damn it. Still the water was nice and cool and felt good after spending two hours in the hot sun hitting tennis balls.

At supper tonight I asked Dieter if his leg is still bothering him. He said it was aching. There a  small dark spot on his right thigh that is new. I've been noticing it for a week or two and it seems to be growing. So that would be another spot of melanoma. I worry that it might be spreading into the bone of his leg. He doesn't go back to the cancer doctor until the first week in August. But it makes little difference. The doctor will probably put him on chemo, which will not help. But like most people, Dieter will grasp as straws and under go chemo. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm almost certain that the cancer is going to start up again and this time I look for it to be very aggressive.

But at the present point in time, Dieter feels, looks and is doing fine. He is enjoying every day and I'm trying to make him happy and I think he is. Playing tennis is helping me to take my mind off Dieter's cancer and the possible fate that looms ahead for him. Dieter is my anchor. He's what keeps me going and sane. I really don't know what will happen to me with out him. I have learned to love him so much. I'll be alone without him. I fear that. I don't have many close friends. If something happens to Dieter, it will be me against the world.

Monday 8:35

Well, the 4th has come and gone. The fireworks are all shot off. Makes me remember when I was a kid in rural Alabama. We never shot fireworks off during the 4th. We shot fireworks off at Christmas. Guess it's a southern thing . . .

Dieter and I didn't do anything special. No BBQ. Didn't go to watch fireworks. Just stayed at home and enjoyed our usual routines. He reading the New York Times and the local paper and later his magazines and me practicing tennis and working on the website. I guess you could say it was just another weekend for us.

I've saw Mr. M. at the tennis court this morning but he was with his group of four that he plays doubles with and didn't greet me. Strange how he wants to hit balls with me when he's alone but doesn't say much, if anything to me when he with his friends. Still, I'll kept pursuing him.

Today was so damn hot that it was difficult to go out and practice. But I forced myself. I didn't do too good this morning but did a littler better this afternoon. But I've go to find someone to play tennis with. I just can't judge how much I'm improve, if any. And hitting a ball that been hit to you is very different from hitting one that bounces off a wall.

Ted got a new computer and called me upstairs to help him get online. He said he played doubles tennis this morning at 7:30AM with a group. Well, I can't get out and that early. Hell, Dieter would tar and feather me. He hates it that I go out an practice as it is. If I tried to go out at 7:30AM . . . well, it's never going to happen.

I'm sure that when the snow birds come back I'll have plenty of offers to pay doubles and maybe single games. So, I'll just spend the summer practicing. Hope I meet some nice handsome old men to play tennis with this winter. I know I must be boring everyone about tennis. But it's what keeps me going. Keeps my mind off Dieter's cancer. I'm not into denial but I just don't want to think about what might be coming. And, I must say I've lost about 15 lbs and am in great shape. Hell, I would have to be in great shape to play tennis two hours at a time in this humidity and heat. I guess my fear of having a heart attack from over exerting myself was way off the mark. (now watch me drop dead tomorrow on the tennis court) So, I am getting lots of benefits from my time on the courts.

Wednesday 8:20 PM

One summer day flows into another. Temperature in the 90's. Practicing tennis morning and evening. Feels like I'm getting better some days and not on other days. Saw Mr. M. this morning but again he was with his group and didn't speak. Mr. L, the nice looking old guy with real bad knees that hangs around the club house in the mornings (also the one with Mr. M that helped me with my serve) was with the group. He always says hello. I like him. He's really good looking. And always speaks to me when he sees me. In between tennis, I am working on the website or burning DVD's.

Last night I dreamed about Frank. I wish he would stop haunting my dreams. It makes me very depressed to dream about him. Last nights dreams were not pleasant. If I didn't have tennis to wipe my mind clean I would be in bad shape.

I am getting offers to be in my movies almost every day. I do think I'll be able to put together a good new group of models and bring back some that have already been in videos. I hope to do a video in August. This month I will be going on vacation to Alabama. I'm leaving next week or maybe this week end. Haven't decided exactly when to leave. Anyway can't plan a shoot until I get back from vacation.

I'm also going to start filming bear movies. So, I looking for bears who are forty or older for my bear movies. There is a big market for bear movies and I might as well tap into it. Anyway seniors and bears blend together quite well.

I'm also planning on doing a video in which I tell stories from my past while jacking off. I'll tell the story of having sex with Walt the first time. Also the second time I had sex with him and a couple more true incidents in my early years. With each story I'll shoot a big load. I think it will be fun. Time will tell.

Friday 9:04PM

I've decided to drive up to Alabama to see my sisters and nephews Sunday. Will be away about a week. Hopefully will have every thing lined up so that I can post from the road so there will still be daily pictures. I'm not sure how thrilled I am about the trip. I think that once I get going it will be fun. Will be nice to see the family and it might do me good to see different scenery. I'll carry my tennis rackets. Maybe my nephews will hit some balls with me.

I practiced this morning. And after warming up, I returned to the clubhouse area to watch a mixed doubles match. Two of the old guys that usually play doubles with my hairy old man, Mr. M. were play with two old women that I had seen around the courts. It was fun watching them play. And after a while I went over to the next court and practiced my serve. I want to show them all that I could serve fairly hard, certainly harder than anyone in the game was hitting the ball. I feel that I've got to start getting respect from these old farts. I always say I'm not very good (and it's true) but still I can play on their level. At least I think I can. So, I'm aiming at getting invited to pay in doubles games soon. I'm going to make friends with these people and go from there. They do have something in common with me. They like tennis, I like tennis . . . of course not as much as cock.

I went to Fort Lauderdale for my PO Box run today and check the toilet out in the Carol Ridge Mall. Nothing. I think it's a lost cause. I've got to find a different place to cruise old men. It's a shame they had to remodel the toilet and make it so gay unfriendly.

I'll try to write my journal from the road but it will not be easy as I can't use FrontPage to edit it. But I guess I can make do with Word. Anyway, expect more mistakes than usual.

I've opened the journal for anyone to read. That's going to get me into trouble as I do write about some of my friends and sometimes I'm very candid. Friends tend not to like that. Oh, well. This is a journal. And I must kept writing like a true journal, which means putting my inner most thought down.

I haven't had the web cam on lately. I'm using it on icuii. Guess I'll have to purchase another web cam. There is always some thing to buy for the website. Speaking of websites, I am very pleased with my new streaming video website http://enjoyoldpics.tv . Lot of people are watching my videos daily. I'm going to start filming new movies as soon as I get back from Alabama. I want to do six more movies before the end of the year. I'm also going to mix them up. Going to do some bear movies, younger and older, and hopefully some old men straight movies. At least that's the plan!

Monday 5:36 PM

BACK FROM VACATION! Well, the best laid plan of mice and men . . . as you can see I didn't make any entries in my journal while I was on vacation. Guess I just needed a break from the website and journal. Ok, I did post from the road but couldn't brink myself to write in the journal. Anyway, it was all family things that I did while visiting my sisters up in Dothan, Alabama.

My youngest sister has four children ages 10yo (girl) 12yo (boy) 14yo (boy) and 15yo (girl). I gave the two boys two tennis rackets and some tennis balls. Also I bought them a scooter (gasoline two stroke engine) as their friends were riding around on electric scooters and I didn't like the boys not having one. So now they have a gas scooter. They were so happy. You see my sister and her husband don't make a lot of money, so the kids do get to keep up with the Jones. I try to help out when I visiting and see what they need.

Dieter and I took all the kids and my sister to the river. Dieter and I put chairs into a shallow stream which flowed into the big river and watched the kids play in the swift but shallow river all day! We even had a nice pick nick with fried chicken and all the fixings. It was great! And here this river is less than two miles from where my sister lives and the kids had only been there once.

Yes, I had fun and now I'm depressed. It'll take me a couple of days to get back to normal. I miss the boys very much. It's like having kids of my own. And the younger one looks exactly like my brother did when he was a kid, so it's like living my childhood all over again.

I was tired all day today. The nine hour drive back home yesterday took a lot out of me. But then again it might be the depression at work. I did go play tennis this morning. I thought I would hit the ball with G, W, and the other old man whose name I cann't remember. But, W's son was visiting so he hit with them. So, I practiced against the wall for about thirty minutes before returning to the clubhouse.

When I got back, a big guy M (he's not that old...maybe in his mid fifties) asked if I wanted to play a set of singles with him. I said yes. Well, seems he plays a very different game (because he is so big he can't move very well). So when you play him you use only one side of the court from the center line to the doubles line. Needless to say, having not practiced in a week and have completely new boundaries, I didn't win a game during the set.

M had to take a break between each game. During one of these breaks, I told him that I performed in porno movies. He was shocked. I got a kick out of telling him. He did jokingly ask "let me see what you've got." He also said that there were lots of Christian people at Wynmoor and that it wouldn't be good if the knowledge got around. He said his wife was a Christian woman. I didn't say anything, but was thinking...hell, Wynmoor is 80% Jewish. Anyway, I'm sure that he can't keep what I told him secret. Will be interesting to see how I am viewed and treated with the old guys at the tennis club when the word that I make porno movies gets out. I'm going to watch and listen and have fun. Going to be interesting to see who is friendly with me and who isn't from now on. And if he doesn't spread the word, I'll have to tell another one of the old men. I'm determined to let them know what I do and that I'm queer!

Wednesday 8:40 PM

Yesterday as I walked to the tennis court's clubhouse a group of four old men were playing doubles. One of the two on my side of the court saw me approach. He said something to his tennis partner who turned and bent down so that he could see me clearly through an air window in the tennis netting. I could image someone saying "there he comes!"

Today, my reaction from the group of old gays at the clubhouse seemed cool. M (the fat guy) was there and didn't even look my way. As thought he felt guilty about passing on what I had told him to the other old men. He doesn't know that I wanted him to spread the news. There was a new guy at the clubhouse name B. He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. Going to be interesting to see how he treats me the next time I see him at the court. He is in 70's and very grandfatherly looking. He's skinny and tall with very weathered skin.

I'm sure I'm not going to be asked to play in any doubles games with them. So, how I have to practice hard and improve my skills just to show the old men that a queer can play as good as them. Maybe I shouldn't have told M. But, I've always told people who and what I am where ever I have gone. If they don't like me cause I'm queer or because I make porno videos, then so be it. I just will not hid what I am and what I do.

I've stirred up the pot. Now let see what happens.

Friday 8:12PM

What to write about? What new and exciting thing have I done the past two day? Nothing. My life is becoming pleasantly predictable. Tennis in the morning (practicing only), and burning DVD's or working on the computer. Throw in studying my tennis book a while and a little TV and that's my day.

Yesterday, no one spoke to me at the tennis club. Maybe it just my imagination. But I am almost positive that M. has spread the word that I'm queer and do porno movies. One of the old women that plays tennis gave me a long hard look. But then I sort of set apart from everyone. I figure that I'm not going to impose myself on these old men and women. If they want to include me into their chat then they will have to be the ones that are forthcoming. So I watched part of a game of mixed doubles and then went over to one of the far courts where the practice wall is and done my thing.

Today the group of three old men that I sometimes hit with were at the courts, but I got there before them and went to the wall court to practice. Playing with them doesn't give me the workout that I need. So I worked on my strokes and serve about an hour before taking a break and going back to the clubhouse. Two matches were going on, the one on the right side of the clubhouse was a mixed doubles game and the one of the left was four old men playing doubles. One of the old men was new to me, so I watched them. After they stopped playing, one of the four, an old man with big breast, asked me to hit a few balls with him. I did and, well I don't perform well in front of strangers (except when I'm doing a video). Still, I didn't make a complete fool of myself. After we stopped hitting he asked me to serve a few balls. I did as he asked. Got some got serves in and double faulted some too. Afterward, the old men, C. said I was good enough to play with his group.

Then I went and took a seat at the table where two of the three old men that I sometimes hit with were sitting. G. And W. were very friendly. W. lives in my building. We chatted for a good fifteen minutes. And W. told G. that I was a very nice person, always helpful and always had a smile for everyone. It was good of him to say that. Maybe he's heard some people talking bad about me and was countering it. He's a nice old man, but it G. that I'm interested in. Him I would go to bed with in a heart beat. He ball, with a nice face and a stout but not chubby body. He doesn't show anything in the crotch of his tennis shorts, but I'll take what ever he got and enjoy it. Yea, like I'm going to get a chance. Well, he is very friendly with me . . . let's see if he continues to be. Maybe he hasn't heard the rumors.

Ok, that's the last couple of days. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Monday 11:46PM

Missed a couple of day writing. Well, not a hell of a lot has happened. But I have had some fun at the tennis courts, innocent fun. I hit balls with M (74yo man with balls machine) on Friday and didn't do too bad. Guess my idea that the rumors of me in porno movies might not have been spread by the other M. (big younger guy). Or if they have been spread then some of the guys don't care.

On Saturday as I was walking home from the tennis courts, G. (one of the old three old men that I sometimes hit with) pulled along side of me and asked if I want a ride home. Now that seemed strange to me. As he has been sitting at the same table with me and W (another one of the three old men that I hit with that lives in my building) and heard me turn down W's offer for a ride home at least three times. Yet here G was stopping to ask me if I wanted a ride home.

Of the three old men that I hit with (occasionally) he's the one I find attractive. And from the first time I was invited to hit with them, I have imagined that G has always looked at me with interest. He was the one that told W to invite me to hit with them the last time I was on the courts. I remember him looking at me sitting on the sidelines watching them as they were heading to the center court and him pulling W aside and glancing at me as he spoke to him. And then W calling out to me asking if I wanted to join them.

Now, knowing that I preferred to walk home he was asking me to ride with him. So, I said yes and climbed into the car. And as he drove the short distance to my building, it took all my will power to keep from reaching my hand over and touching his naked pale legs. I wanted to touch his naked flesh so much it hurt. To me that short ride was a thrill. I got sexually excited being alone in the car with the old man.

Later that night I fantasized about reaching over and stroking the old man's leg. And I told myself that if he offered me a ride home again, I would indeed reach over and pat him on the leg before getting out of his car. That would seem innocent enough. A simple pat on the leg as I say "thank you". If he's not interested in me, he will not appreciate me touching him on the leg and will not invite me to ride home with him again. But if he is interested he'll ask me again and I assure then I would do a little more than just touch his leg the third time around. Of course this all might just be a figment of my wild imagination. The old men simply might have just thought it was the correct thing to do by asking me if I wanted a ride home. But now that I think of it and remember him telling me where he lived on Wynmoor circle, it would have been faster for him to go round the other way to his building. HE WENT THE LONG WAY HOME JUST SO HE COULD ASK ME TO RIDE WITH HIM! Interesting.

I have a shoot next week, at least I am suppose to have a shoot with a 68yo man and his 22yo lover. If it happens (just because I plan a shoot doesn't mean it is going to actually happen) it will be my first younger and older video. And believe it or not I am actually looking forward to having sex with the both of them. I've never had sex with a young guy. But I'm turned on at the though of having sex with a 22yo and his 68yo lover! Like joining a grandfather and his grandson for sex. And I hope the shoot will be hot. Then on that Saturday I hope to do another shoot with Nakedwilly and another guy. So, I have two shoots planned. Hopefully one of them will pan out.

OK, it's way pass my bedtime.

Thursday 1:38PM

In the mist of the Summer doldrums. Can't seem to get back into writing in the journal on a daily basics. Seems that I'm always busy with something and don't really have anything exciting to tell. Life is simple and unexciting at the moment. Practice a little tennis and burn videos and try to find guys to be in my movies. That what I've been doing. Now I am really aggressive looking for people to be in my videos. I need seniors (of course as they are the foundation of my movies) but am making movies with seniors and bears and seniors and twinks, and also bears with bears. So need guys of all ages...don't care about the dick size or body type. Need all types.

Have a shoot on Wednesday of next week with a senior and his 22yo lover. Am looking forward to it. Then have a shoot with nakedwilly and a bear type on that following Saturday. I will soon be traveling over the country to video seniors that are not local. So if you've been wanting to be in one of my videos send me an e-mail at hroland@bellsouth.net and I'll swing by your location and we can do a hot movie.

Have a 74yo man flying in from So. Cal. for a shoot in September. He's skinny and looks hot...if you are interested in doing a scene with him let me know. Also if you are interested in doing a scene with nakedwilly let me know. Also looking for younger bears to do a scene with bottom bear (he's the chubby 74yo man in "Older Men Take One & Older Men Take Two".

There is a great looking 74yo farmer in Alabama that I'm are trying to persuade to do a video. He's got a great grandfatherly face and a big uncut dick. But, I'm not sure he going to agree. Also have a bald nudist from PA that is fantastic looking and loves to suck cock. Would do a circle suck scene with him in the middle and about seven guys around him with him sucking one after the other one off and then shooting his load...but talks with him are still in the planning stages.

Have a wonderful looking married gay in Ohio that is into cock and ball torture. He is completely smooth. He likes to take thing like baseball bats up his ass, get fist fucked, and like some extreme ball torture. If I get him it would be my most kinky and probably one of the most kinky videos out there.

So whatever flavor of senior video you like...it will be cuming soon to my website!