June 2004

Wednesday 8:25AM 6/02/04

Late again. Yea, I know. Guess I hate to start a new month. Anyway, I didn't have anything special to write about yesterday . . . I know . . . so what's new. Just a day of burning DVD's and working on the website and practicing tennis. And today will probably be the same. Oh, I did see the hairy old man playing doubles tennis yesterday and later chatting with a two other old man when I stopped by the clubhouse after practicing. He was so occupied with the other two old men that he didn't even acknowledge me. Oh, well, that's life.

Ted takes his friend to the airport today so tomorrow I guess we'll try to play tennis. I'm interested in seeing if I have improved in the week since we have played. I bought a couple of books on tennis and have been studying them constantly and trying to apply the lessons to my practices. Anyway, we'll see if it is helping. I am a strong believer in learning from books. Let's see if that believe is misguided or right on.

Wish I could write about a new and exciting conquest in the bathrooms. But nothing has happened lately. Maybe tomorrow? There is always a tomorrow, well that's not exactly true.

I have a birthday coming up this month. Actually Sal and mine are on the same day so Dieter and I will have dinner over at Sal's and Irwin's on Sunday. Dieter's birthday is the next week so we celebrate all three at the same time. "Another day older and deeper in debt" isn't that the old saying.

I used to look forward to getting older, thinking that all the old men at Chardee's would like me more. But, I'm beginning to realize that most of the old men like younger men. Hey, I'm not in the market and hopefully will not be for a while. And I'm finding that after a certain age the body just can't perform like it once could. Now, I'm beginning to wish I could have some of those years back and hadn't wished my life away. Yes, that a good statement and it's just what I've done. I always wished my years away. Now, I am beginning to realize that you only have some many years and once they are gone they can't be relived.

So two thirds of my live is over. What have I accomplished? Not much. Where am I going? No where. Am I going to reach my goals in life. What goals? Sometimes I feel like I threading water. Making an effort but barely keeping my head above the water. Yes, birthdays are a time of reflecting on the past and trying to peep into the future. My birthdays can slow down. I don't give a damn anymore if I'm not old enough for some of the old men out there.

June 3 7:52AM

Yea, I know. I missed an entry yesterday. But sometimes I just think I don't have anything to write about. Then I get a nice e-mail from someone telling me how much they enjoy my journal and it reminds me that I can't judge if what I write is worth reading or not. My job it to write in the journal and let the entry speak for itself.

One of my subscribers sent me an e-mail this morning saying that he finally came down to Fort Lauderdale and visited Chardee's. It was all he had imagined! All the eye candy! He was thrilled. Sometimes I forget that not everyone has experienced the senior culture of Fort Lauderdale. To see a couple hundred old men packed into Chardee's is a regular sight for us locals. And a miracle for someone from small town USA. I forget what an impression it made on me. Hell, Chardee's is why I settled in the Fort Lauderdale area. I don't think there is a bar in the world that can compare to Chardee's night after night! So, if you like old men, Fort Lauderdale is a must.

Yesterday, Dieter had to go to the doctor and I went along and visited my PO Box. I checked out the bathroom beside the Silver Fox Restaurant in Coral Ridge Mall. It's still the place to pick up old men! There was a table of about five old men sitting across the from the bathroom. I knew one of them, Al. But he only like old men himself. He a nice guy as I've talked to him in Chardee's years back. Now, he doesn't bother speaking to me. Still he a nice man.

So, it's nice to know that Coral Ridge restroom is back in action. But picking up someone is much more difficult since they took out one of the urinals. No longer can you stand there and enjoy eyeing the old man's dick next to you. It's more risky now and you have to be obvious to see anything or make contact. So, watch out.

I wish I could visit Leisure Time Theater down in Hollywood, FL. God, would I like to stand in the back row and suck on a few old men's dicks. I remember the last time I was there I suck off four old men in a row in the bathroom. That was damn nice. But now I have no excuse to get away for the time it takes to travel down there. But, it's probably for the better. Still, I do get to look at the old men at the gym and in the sauna. For now, that's enough.

I stopped taking Xanax (don't know if I spelled the name correctly). Had a couple of sleepless night. The medication is habit forming and I have been taking it for several years, but only half a pill a day. Now, I guess I'll get more nervous and shy around strangers. I'm getting at the age that if I want to preserve my health, I have to start now. So no more drinking. Well on that one I'm going to try. It's hard to go into a bar and not drink as it makes me relaxed and able to get over my shyness. But since Dieter and I seldom go to the bar, I guess it's not going to be a problem.

Ok, Dieter is back from his swim and it time for breakfast. Then I'm playing tennis with Ted for the first time this week. It's going to be interesting to see how I pay against him as I've been practicing and studying my tennis book all week. I'm going to try not to be disappointed if I lose. As I am going to pay to improve my game and not to win. I plan on hitting cross court shots whenever possible.

12:29PM

The game with Ted was a disaster! With out the Zanax I was too anxious. I rushed every shot even though I was telling myself to slow down. I got jammed up constantly by running too close to the balls. At 5 games to 2 in Ted's favor, he asked if I wanted to stop playing. I was almost to drop from exhaustion. I said yes. It was very humiliating. I have always prized myself on my endurance and suddenly I can't keep going. I don't know what's wrong with me. OK, so it was 83F and high humidity at 9:30AM. But if Ted can handle the heat and humidity then I should also.

I used a forearm band to help my elbow which has been hurting me so much that I can hardly use it. But it seemed to cause my hand to lose it strength. I could hardly hold onto my racket while serving. Well, I don't think you can call what I was trying to do today SERVING. So I crashed and burned big time. And of all days, it has to happen on my birthday. It sucks! Well, when I got home I popped a Zanax and will stay on them. Just can't cope with my chemical imbalance. Now I'm calm and could probably play without the high anxiety I experienced this morning. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day.

Ted pointed out to me that an old man has been visit our pool late in the afternoon. I've seen him twice. He comes on a bicycle and I swear he looks like he is cruising. Ted said he almost when swimming yesterday when the old man was there and I said I had thought about it too. I'm sure that if he comes again one of us will go out to swim with him. He looks short with a nice body for an old man. He has a hairy chest and gray hair. He looked in his late 60's or early 70's. I hope he shows up again today at the pool behind the 2505 building on Antigua Terrace. That's the pool right outside of my patio. I wish more old men would come there to swim around 5:00 PM! It could be fun.

Friday 12:07PM

I lost again to Ted but at least I was able to play two sets. That's progress from yesterday. And while I wasn't back to where I should be, I had fun today and didn't let losing get me down as I tried for put away shots and cross court shots the carry lots of risk. Also I tried attacking the net a couple of times. I figured that to develop my game I have to learn to do a little of everything. So the only time I can try new things is when I am playing Ted. If I have to pay the price of losing some sets to learn how to improve my game then so be it. In the long run, I become a much better player than Ted. But I am going to lose a lots of games and set on the way. I figure by August I should be beating Ted on a consistent basics. At least that my play and I going to stick to it. Improving at the moment is more important than winning.

I'm going with Dieter to his cancer doctor today and also check my PO Box. If I get a chance I'll take a peek into the bathroom at the Coral Ridge Mall. Would be nice to see some old man's dick. Haven't see any strange old dick in a while. I must try to get over to the gym more often!

The old guys were seated at the tables at the club house when Ted and I finished playing tennis today. Ted knew one of them. An old man that about 75yo that lives in our building. Ted stopped and chatted with the old man. Well, I'm sure that old man knows that Ted's gay . . . and being that he lives in our building, I'm sure that he's heard the rumors about me too. Now, I'm sure some of the regular old men that were sitting at the tables with him (including my hairy old man) will have asked him some question about me and Ted after we left. So, I'm certain now that they will all know that I'm gay. And even if the old man from our building didn't tell them, seeing me playing with Ted will certainly alert them to the fact that I'm gay. Ted isn't exactly masculine. And that's another reason that it upsets me to get beat by him.

Anyway, so I'll see which of the old men try to get friendly with me in the future now that they realize that I'm gay. It could be than none of them will. But if I catch some of them alone they might just show some interest in me. I sure would love to play around in bed, in the car, or even behind the bushes with a few of them.

Ted says that were are lots of gays here in Wynmoor. Well, I haven't run into many. But I haven't given up meeting an older man here that wants to play around some. I would love to meet someone to trick with once a week or so. Now that would be great.

Saturday 9:07PM

Yesterday I went with Dieter to the cancer doctor. He told Dieter that he was taking him off the oral chemo drug. Said that he liked to give patience four months of it and then stop. (Seems like I remember Dieter asking him how long he had to take the drug on our second visit and he answered "until the tumors go away". But what do I know). He then went on to say for Dieter to come back in two months and he would see what was happening to the melanoma on his leg at that point in time and if he needed further treatment he would give him regular chemo intravenously. I then spoke up and asked is it common for the cancer to become aggressive again. He said yes. I said so it's going to spread? He said yes and we will deal with that when the time comes. It could be a couple of months, six month or even a year.

So, all in all, the doctor just confirmed what I have believe all the time. First, that the expensive cancer drug (over $2000 for 15 pills) didn't work. Second that the melanoma will spread as it become aggressive again. And from reading, I know that regular chemo doesn't do much against melanoma. I'm not going to have Dieter go on it when the cancer flares up again and be sick the last months of his life. So, the doctor is going to have to do some fast talking and convening to get me to put him on intravenous chemo.

At the moment Dieter is fine. Enjoying live and loving every moment. And that's the way we are going to live. He's happy. I don't think he worries about his cancer too much. He does worry about what will happen to me after he's gone, but I tell him that should be the least of his worries. That some how I'll manage to take care of myself. I always have.

On a lighter note. Well not so light for me. Ted beat me very badly today in tennis. 6 to 0 and 6 to 2 games. That is down right disgraceful! I just didn't seem to have any power. And my hand sweats so much and the grip would become so slipper that I could hardly hold the racket in my hand. I have a cheaper racket and it has a sports grip that doesn't slip when I sweat. Well, after playing I decided to take my racket and have the same type of grip that's on my cheap racket put on my good racket.

I went to Match Point and the lady that strings rackets told me that I need new strings. I wanted cat gut (which is the best...I don't know if it really made from cat's guts...I suspect not) But she told me I should string it with a new string that had just came on the market. She said that cat gut doesn't work well if it gets wet. So I had a new grip and new strings put on my racket. When we went back to pick up the racket, I made a comment that he strings and new grip almost cost more than my racket at $38 that I only paid $49 dollars for my racket at Costco. But she corrected me saying that when they carried the same racket they sold it for $150. I have compared it with Ted's new racket which he paid $130 for and had thought my was the better racket. Now I am happy to hear that it is a better racket and I got it for the third of the usual price.

When we returned to Wynmoor. I called Ted to see if he would go to the court with me so that I could try out the new strings and grip. He's phone was busy so I just went upstairs and rang his doorbell. He agreed to go and hit some balls with me in spite of the fact that he had just finished playing golf.

Well, the new strings and grip made all the difference. After we practiced we played some games. I won the first two game and he won the second two. He said that he could tell a difference in my shots. Well now the pressure is on me the next time we play, which might not be until Tuesday. He is going to the condo board meeting for our building on Sunday morning. And I might have a shoot on Monday. (I've been trying to get Gene and Rick back together for a shoot. When the Do Dad was my camera man (when I made my first video) he fuck up the whole shoot by putting the film in wrong. And let me tell you they went at it hot and heavy. So, I've been trying to get them back together. Anyway back to Ted and Me playing tennis. When ever we do play, I will not have any excuses. If I lose then he's just better than me at this point in time. But if he is, then I'll just keep practicing until I get better than him. That's all there is to it.

Monday 8:32PM

Not much exciting happened Sunday. Ted went to our building's condo meeting in the morning so we didn't play tennis. I did go and practice for what good it did me. Ted trenched me today 6 to 1. Yea, I know I said I was more concerned with learning to play better than I was beating Ted. But, damn it! I hate to lose! But I am trying different things so it's a choice of just playing to beat Ted or play to get better. I'm still going to take the option of playing to learn more tennis. I'm just going to have to endure losing maybe a couple more months. Tomorrow I work on serving hard to him. I know I am going to double fault a lot but so be it.

My problem with playing Ted is that he's been playing tennis since he was in college. On the other hand I started playing tennis in 1981 and played until Frank died in 1983 and didn't play again until I started back this spring. So, it's difficult for me to beat someone that been playing constantly for so many years. Sure, he's not as strong as me, has a weak serve and doesn't do a lot of things correctly, but he can place shots very well and just picks me apart with his soft well hit shots. But, I will get better than him.

Last night Dieter and I went over to Sal and Irwin's for dinner. Sal cooked a standing rib roast that was perfect. But I would have rather eat Irwin than the roast. He just turned 80 and he is great looking. Sal is going away for a couple of weeks later this month. I do hope that I have a chance to get together with Irwin. I love his huge balls and his thick uncut dick. And man does he enjoy sex! Just hope I can be that active at 80yo.

The shoot planned for this morning didn't happen. I'm going to try for tomorrow morning. I do look forward to seeing Rick fuck Gene! Gene has huge balls and a long dick. I want to have him in a scene with nakedwilly in the up coming video. I got to see if Gene will do it. And then check with nakedwilly and see if he is interested. Would love to watch that long dick of Gene's sliding in and out of nakedwilly's ass! I think a scene with Rick and Gene and another one with Gene and nakedwilly will make a great video!

But first I got to get the shoot with Rick and Gene in the can. Hopefully that will happen tomorrow at 11:00AM

Tuesday 9:08PM

I bought Dieter a birthday present today. I got him a nice small oriental carpet. It's blue with pinkish highlights and come from Pakistan. His birthday is tomorrow. I find myself wondering if it will be his last. I hope not. He's a tough old bird and will fight to the end. And at the moment his cancer is stable. But who knows about next week or next month. But for now he is doing great!

I checked out the restroom at Carol Ridge today and ran into someone I know. Gee, forgot his name. He about 70 with a nice smile and white hair. Has a little dick that doesn't get hard. He used to suck me off at the Cubby Hole. God! That place was swinging at one time. I remember sucking off a old man with a huge dick from Israel. He had a long cut dick and would stick it through the glory hole and I swear it would stick out almost a foot. Yes, it used to be fun to go there on a Sunday afternoon (and I think it's active again on Sunday) and go to the bathroom and have some old man come in and stick his dick through the glory hole.

Once a skinny old black man can in to the bathroom and shoved his jet black uncut dick through the glory hole. And what a long dick he had. His black foreskin hung a full inch over the head of his long dick. Well, I had never suck off an old black man so I couldn't resist. And boy did he shoot a load of cum. It was a first for me and I rather enjoyed sucking on the old black man's dick. He looked to be in his 70's. And to tell the truth, I would suck him off again if I had a chance.

Well, it was the same old, same old at the tennis court. Ted beat me. Of course I helped out a lot by forcing myself to stick to my plan of serving hard even after double faulting several times. And I attempted to rush the net a couple times and faired badly. Also lost some points attempting shots that I haven't mastered.

I stayed on the court after we played and practiced my serve. And, I don't know if I'm any better for all the effort, but I have got to kept working on it. After Dieter and I returned from Fort Lauderdale late this afternoon, I went back to the court to practice my serve again. And who did I find at the tennis court also practicing his serve. Yes, Ted! I think he doesn't want me to beat him. Well, tomorrow I'm going to play him with one goal. To beat him. I want to shake him up. So, no more high risk shots. I am going to make him hit the ball to win! Don't know if I can pull it off, but am going to put a major effort into trying.

Wednesday 11:52 AM

Gee, sometimes it just feels great to be alive. Don't know where the feeling comes from or why, but that's how I feel today. Really up beat. I know the feeling will not last so I better enjoy it while I can.

Today's Dieter birthday. We go up late after 8:00AM but I thought it was 7:00AM and dilly dallied around as Dieter gathered up the laundry (he does the laundry). Then he said it was 8:45AM. I hadn't even eaten breakfast and here it was almost time to play tennis with Ted. So I helped Dieter take the laundry to the laundry room, rushed back to the apartment, and drank a glass of milk and ate a ice cream sandwich. By the time I got my tennis shoes on, Ted was ringing the doorbell. He came in and I showed him the new carpet, which he liked. Then off we went to play tennis.

Well my plan to just play to win and not practice the new strokes and moves that I've been trying to learn didn't work out strictly as planned. I still kept trying to use strokes that I haven't mastered with the results being losing 4 game to 6. The temperature was 80 and very high humility. I was dead tired and would have been happy stopping after the first set. But when Ted didn't say anything about stopping, I kept silent.

The second set I won four games in a row because I was so tried that I just played safe, basic tennis while Ted's game fell apart. So, I finally said that I had enough. I told Ted that I was exhausted. He shot back "you're the one ahead 4 to love!" He wasn't pleased, I could tell. Then as we sat on the bench, I told him I played well in the second set because I was too tired to try any of my new strokes. Well, he replied that I should just play basic tennis and not try new things. "People that play basic tennis even thought they are small like me can play with the best players. You're try too much! You should stick to the basic!" He lectured me. I guess that he didn't like me getting ahead 4 to 0 and stopping play. Well, I did it purposely. I wanted to rattle him. I knew that if we kept playing with me exhausted, that I might still lose the set. Now the next time we play he's be thinking about me zipping through four games against him like a knife though butter. Sometimes you have to play mind games with people to get an edge.

God, this must be boring as hell to read. But, playing tennis helps me keep my mind off Dieter's cancer. It is also getting me in great physical shape. But the end of summer, if I don't have a stroke or a heart attack, my stomach should be gone and I should looked great. Well at least better. So, my focus on tennis is for a reason.

The hairy old man was hitting balls from his ball machine when we left the tennis court. He was wearing a partially open shirt and the gray hair on his chest was plainly visible. Man, do I have the hots for him!

When I got home, Dieter told me that Allen had called and invited us over to his condo in Boca for a BBQ on Saturday night. That's nice of him. And now I'll have a chance to see where he lives. I still like him very much. He's not particularly handsome and kind of chubby (but not fat), but there's something about him that I like (beside his huge dick). Like I have said before, if something happens to Dieter and Allen is still single, he might just be the one I need.

Friday 12:PM

I can hear president Bush's voice coming from the TV that Dieter is watching in the living room as Bush gives the eulogy at Ronal Reagan's funeral and my thought drift back to Frank's funeral in 1983. And then I think of Dieter and wonder how many months or years he has left. When will I have to face loosing him? How will I react? Who will be there for me? And I think of words from a song that Diana Ross sang in Mahogany "Do you know where you're going . . . do you like what you see?"

No, I don't know where I'm going and I don't like what I see in the future.

That's life.

I didn't do too well against Ted yesterday. I got depressed. But went to the tennis court yesterday after noon about 4:00PM and practiced my serve. It went well and cheered me up. I realized that I'm still learning. That I must stick with my program and learn little by little. That the time will come when I'll be able to beat Ted regularly.

After practice, I was walking back to the clubhouse when I noticed a big, gray haired, old man sitting at one of the table with a three wheeled bicycle parked next to him. As I approached him the old man glance up from the crossword puzzle he was working and said. "Are your ready for the people?"

I must have looked puzzled because he added. "Ready to play real people."

I pulled out a chair from his table and took a seat. "I have a tennis partner. We play in the mornings." I informed. "Do you play?" I asked the huge old man. In spite of his size (he was more big than fat) I liked him. He had short gray hair. He's face was handsome with beautiful blue eyes. I especially like his thick gray haired arms.

"Not much. My mind it on to high a playing level for my body. I get bored playing with guys here. I know exactly how to beat them but my body just will not make the right moves anymore." The big old man said not looking up from his crossword puzzle.

I was sitting at an angle where I could see his crotch. I was staring between his legs when the old man said. "Do you like what you see?"

I felt my self turning beet red as I quickly glanced up at him.

"Well do you?" The old man asked.

"Sure." I answered weakly.

"I'm not too fat for you?"

"No." I answered as I searched his fingers for a wedding ring. Nothing.

"You want to show me your my cock?" The old man asked.

I couldn't believe what was happening. Who was this old man. Why was he here working on his crossword puzzle. I looked at the old man's face as I thought what to say.

"I know who you are." The old man said. He smiled. "I subscribe to your website. I've been visiting the tennis courts in the afternoon thinking I might run into you. Read in your journal where you sometimes come here to practice in the afternoon.

"Oh." I said. "Do you have some place we can go?" I asked.

"No." The big old man answered. "I got to go."

"Maybe, I'll see you again?" I said.

The old man shrugged and didn't answer.

It was a strange encounter.  But who knows. If I'm horny and the old man shows up again .

Sunday 06/13/04

Today, Ted beat me at tennis again. The first set was 6 to 2 in his favor. But the second set was 7 to 5 in his favor. I should have won the second set, even Ted said so. I was ahead 5 to 4 at one point, but then I just folded. Oh, well, I am making progress.

Now I wonder if the old man will be at the courts this afternoon? I will go practice about 3:30 or 4:00. I am horny and would like to connect with him. Just wished I had some place to go with him.

Monday 06/14/04

OK, what happened over the weekend. Well, on Saturday Sal, Erwin, Dieter and I went to Al's for a BBQ. Sal and Erwin picked me and Dieter up and Sal drove. Sal and Erwin are such a riot! They are like two old ladies fussing at one another. And Sal, always has to talk about sex! Always! So it was an interesting drove to Al's.

Gee, I enjoyed seeing Al. Like I've said before, he's not the most handsome guy, but he looks prime to me. I sense that he is so loving. And lonely. He and I kissed a couple of times when we were out doing the BBQ and out of sight from the others. Yes, I think I could have a beautiful relationship with him. And I later wrote him an e-mail in which I basically told him that if something ever happened to Dieter and he was still available, I would certainly be willing to investigate the possibility of a LTR with him. But I also said that even though I do fantasize about him, that the chances of the two of us having a relationship while Dieter is in the picture is zero. And I said I fully expected him to be taken long before I am available.

Yes, we all had a wonderful time at Al's!

I didn't play tennis on Saturday but I played tennis on Sunday. And I did it with a hangover. I must have drank about three glasses of wine and that was enough make playing tennis Sunday morning an experience to forget! Of course I lost! Ted and I were tied 3 games to 3 and then I folded as usual. Hell, the same thing happened today and I can't blame it on a hangover. But I did realize that a lot of it has to do with my new racket or at least how it is strung. The tension is too high. It strung at 65 lbs. And I'm just knocking the ball over the base line too often. Ok, a lot has to also do with the fact that it's not a racket for a fuller swing like I have. But before the new strings I was doing very good with it. (at least not hitting out all the damn time).

So I drug out my cheap, first racket and had it restrung. I had the tension set at 60lbs. This afternoon when I went to practice it worked very well. At least most of my shot stayed in the court. Tomorrow I will use it and see how it works in a real game. I think I'll do better, but let's face it. Ted is getting better too and he is determined not to let me beat him! The little shit goes for blood! Ok, so do I.

The old hairy man that I like was at the tennis court this morning, but I didn't have a chance to speak to him. He must be an iron man. Damn he plays tennis and then hits balls from his ball machine for hours while I'm ready to drop after one set of tennis. I hope he doesn't last that long in bed. I like to have quick sex. Hot and quick. I don't like to make love for hours. Oh, well, it doesn't mater how long he makes love as I'll probably never get a chance at him. But, you never know. The right moment might come and I'll find him hot and horny and ripe for a blow jog. Well, I can dream can't I.

Tuesday 8:45PM 6/13/04

I don't have a single thing to write about that not going to bore everyone to death. I mean, I sure that everyone is tired of hearing about me playing tennis, practicing tennis and thinking out loud about tennis. And that all that I have to write about today.

The good news about my tennis game today is that the old cheap racket that I had restrung with very good. The bad news is that I got my ass whipped AGAIN! Damn, when am I going to start beating the guy. I'm beginning to doubt my ability to master tennis enough to beat Ted on a regular basics. But, true to form I was back on the tennis court this afternoon in 89F heat and high humidity practicing my serve. That's what killed me. I must have doubled faulted 10 times! No wonder I lost 6 game to 1. Well, at least I'll be able to practice against the wall as they have finished resurfacing the court that has the practice wall. That will, hopefully, help.

Well, the company that is making my virtual theater for viewing my movies in streaming video has added two of my movies to their bear network.

 http://www.ppvnetworks.com/ppvnethome.nsf/all-gay-bears-movies

And I have already sold some videos through their website. You can see samples of my movies at the link above, buy the DVD with credit cards, view the whole movies for $9.95 or order a free DVoD with the full length move on it. Ok, let see how it goes. They still haven't completed my virtural theater were you can view all my videos. I'm wondering when they are going to do it! I hope soon!

Hopefully, I be about to do another movie in July. I have a bearded senior that wants me to fuck him in one scene. I would like some other new models. Maybe I can find some. I do hope so. I need some new faces.

Tomorrow me and Dieter are going to have lunch with Ted. (Damn I hope I beat him in tennis in the morning!) Big, deal. Guess that about as much excitement as I going to have the rest of the week. God! I've got to get to the gym! I need to see some of those old gym rats naked!

Maybe tomorrow.

Wednesday 8:29 6/13/04

No sexy experience to write about today. Just another day of the same. Well, I guess I did do a few different things today than I did yesterday. First off I took too much Zanax. I usually take a half of a pill, but today I decided to take my medication right after getting out of bed. You know, before the old brain is working up to speed. Well, I popped a whole pill in my mouth along with a couple other meds and swallowed then all before it dawned on me that I hadn't broken the Zanax pill in half.

I was sort of in La La Land in a few minutes. Didn't know if I could even play tennis, but after breakfast I felt fine! Yea, too fine. So off I went with Ted to the tennis courts. I played good. We were tied at 4 games to 4 and then 5 games to 5, but then I dropped the last two games. As we were packing up our rackets, I told Ted that I our play was getting more and more even. That soon I would be beating him if I continued playing like I did this morning.

"I can't give you any credit for playing good. I was just playing bad." Ted shot back.

Well that pissed me off. I told him in a very loud agitated voice. "How can you say I didn't play well with all the duce games we played!"

Then I sort of got myself under control and acted as normal as I could as we walked home. But, let me tell you. I will beat the little wimp sooner than later. There's no way I am going to kept letting him beat me. It doesn't matter how much work I have to put into the effort to improve my tennis game. I will do it and more.

Then to make matters worse Dieter and I had already planned to go out with Ted for lunch. So, I had to spend most of the day with him. But, I put on a very good front. Still, I was always thinking about beating him in tennis. And of course the first thing I did when I got home was to go back to the tennis court and practice.

The two of us aren't playing tomorrow as Ted has a doctor's appointment, but I'll be out there practicing!

As you have figured out by now, I didn't make it to the gym. Hell, I've forgotten how those old gym rat's dicks look like it's been so long since I was in the sauna. Ok, what I'm going to do from now on is drove over to the tennis courts in the afternoon and then after practicing I'm going to go the sauna for a few minutes just to look at some old men's dick. Yea, that sounds like a great plan. That way I can get my tennis practice in and also salivate over some old uncut dicks in the sauna.

Thursday 12:14 PM

Well, doesn't look like I'll be playing tennis with Ted anymore. He came by this morning on his way out shopping. I was surprised to see him as we weren't suppose to play tennis this morning. He said that he didn't want to play tennis for a while. Not until I come back from my visit to Alabama (I'm thinking of heading up that way on Friday the 25th of June for a week). I asked him why. He said it was because I was getting to "itchy" and it was bothering him and had been for a couple of weeks. I said ok. And he left.

So, I guess I'm too competitive for him! What does he expect? Does he expect to win all the time and not have someone go all out to beat him? Is the idea of loosing putting too much pressure on him? Or is he just a wimp that wants everything to go his way. Why is he playing a competitive game like tennis if he doesn't like competitiveness? I knew he liked to be always in control of situations and was very self centered, but since we were just tennis partners, I ignored it.

I'm sorry, but I will not play tennis with him anymore. My idea of playing tennis isn't going out and playing with a little, self center queer that wants to win all the time and for his opponent to just smile and not fight back. I looked upon playing him as a challenge to improve. Now if he just want me to go to the court and just go through the motions of playing...well "fuck" him. I'll find someone else to play.

But I'm depressed about the incident. And I don't have a anyone to talk to about it. Dieter just said that he saw it coming. That he could feel the tension between us yesterday a lunch. And I thought I was doing a good job of being sociable. But, if I never could hid me feelings.

I practiced tennis this morning. And will continue to do so. It's all about being as good as you can be. Beating Ted was only a means of measuring my improvements. And I never got personally upset with him until yesterday when he refused to acknowledge that I was playing better. "No, I can't give you any credit. I wasn't playing very well." Those words are what made me angry.

I talked to the hairy old man that I have the hots for as I was leaving the courts. He had a zip up shirt that was only 3/4 zipped up. A large area of white chest hair was visible. I couldn't take my eyes off his hairy chest as we talked. I wanted to ask him to hits some balls with me but I'm afraid I will embarrass myself. I'm not confident of my strokes to hit against him. But, I think I'm going to bit the bullet and ask him one of these days. I really would love to become friendly with him. Maybe not having a tennis partner will compel me to play with some of the old men at the courts? Maybe not playing with Ted anymore will be good for me in the long run.

OK, it's nice to get all my feelings off my chest. Writing all this down is like talking to a close friend.

Saturday 9:51PM

Nothing worth writing about happened on Friday. Same old same old. Practiced tennis, pickup new ordera from my PO box in Fort Lauderdale, and visited the restroom at Coral Ridge Mall (nothing happening). But I did post some pictures of a old man's dick that I really, really loved. The guy that sent me the pictures also sent me a picture of the old man's face but I can't post it. But let me tell you that he is to die for! He is one handsome man! Here's the pictures of his dick. I must have jacked off ten time looking at the pictures.

Why can't I meet someone with a thick dick like that! Damn isn't the old man's dick down right delicious! This old man's dick is what fantasies are made of. I think picture "thick3" is one of the most, if not the MOST, beautiful dick picture of an old man I have ever seen!

Hey, I met a guy at the tennis courts this morning. From a distance he looked old, as he was bald. He was getting out of his car in the parking lot as I as approaching the clubhouse. Well, I grab my crotch a brief moment. I think the guy saw it. Anyway, he walked over to the sitting area of the tennis clubhouse and said hello to me. We started chatting. He took a seat and kept pulling his shirt up to reveal his hair chest. The only problem was that he was old enough for me. I'm guessing that he's in his mid to late forties . . . maybe fifty.

I didn't like his looks. And he talked like a lawyer every time I asked him a direct question. I forgot his name, but it sounded Jewish. He asked if I wanted to play tennis with him next week. I hesitated. I told him I wasn't a good play and asked him if he was good. He gave me lawyer style double talk, not answering my question. Well, since he's nothing to me and I'm not interested in him sexually and don't care if he's ten time better than me, I said sure. So, I'm sure that I'll run into him next week at the tennis courts. I think he's got the hots for me or is just horny. Well, he's going to be very disappointed as I would never have sex with him. Ok, if he could pull out a dick like the pictures above, well I might just make an exception. But, I don't expect something like that. Anyway, if I do play tennis with him it will be interesting to see how I do. I've only played against Ted. I'm sure that the guy is ten times as good as I am. Still, I'm interesting in how I do against him.

Speaking of Ted, when I went to the tennis courts this morning I spotted him practicing his serve on one of the courts. I don't think he saw me. But I don't care. Strange that someone who just plays tennis for the fun of the game and doesn't like it when I strive too hard to beat him, should be out practicing his serve. Me think that the threat of me getting better than him was putting too much pressure on him. I'm sure he'll want to play tennis with me again. But I'm not going to play with him on a regular basics. I might play him once in a while to see how I've improved, but it will never be an every day thing again. That's over.

OK, Dieter is in bed and calling me to join him.

Monday 9:10PM

What happened to Sunday. Nothing. It passed. I practiced tennis. Well, the guy that wants to hit balls with me (that's a tennis term and not a sexual one) came by as I was hitting against the wall. Of course he had to borrow my racket and hit against the wall to show me his stuff. Ha, if you haven't hit against a wall often then it'a something that you don't try to do to show off. Anyway he went on to tell me a couple of things I was doing wrong. Of course that just screwed me up and I could do squat! He didn't stay long and said he would catch me later in the week and we would play some tennis.

Now, why in hell couldn't he be some old man I had the hots for instead of a younger guy that I have not the slightest sexual interest in? My luck I guess. But as I was approaching the tennis court I did chat with a big, but good looking old man. He asked where my tennis partner was as he had seen me playing with Ted often. I told him that Ted didn't want to play with me anymore because of my competitive nature. He said maybe he would hit with me one day. I said that would be great.

I guess I have decided that if I am going to make contact with any of these old men, I have to start playing tennis with them. Hell, maybe that will lead to playing ball with a few of them later on. Yea, right! Not with the luck I've been having lately.

I watched the old hairy man playing doubles. I have yet to see him playing well. I just don't understand it. When I see him practicing he is fantastic. But when I watch him playing double, it doesn't look like the same guy. I think I'll get up enough courage soon to hit some balls with him. Hey, I might have a good day and not look so stupid against him. God, I would do about anything to snuggle up against his hairy back and slip my thick dick into his ass! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, PETE! Still, I can fantasize.

There was another guy playing doubles with the hair old man that I've seen around a lot. He's really a grandpa type and damn hansom at that. He's sort of gruff. But I like that too. Maybe one of these days I'll hit some balls with him too. Guess I got to start learning to play doubles if I really want to get to know the old men. But I know absolutely nothing about doubles. I am terrible rushing the net or playing at the net. But, I'm going to have to learn if I am got to fit to the Wynmoor old men tennis crowd.

I am so fucking horny to have sex with an old man I've never had sex with before. I want someone totally new. As long as he has the looks that turns me on, I don't care about the size of his dick. I just want sex with a stranger! There's nothing in the world as good as watching a strange old man unzip his pants and pull his dick out for the first time. That first sight of a stranger's dick is heaven. Especially if he has his clothes on and you see it hanging out of his fly! Well, I just might have to settle for having sex with Dieter tonight.

Wednesday 8:28PM

Each day of my life seems to almost be a duplicate of the day before. And I love it. Can't remember when I went to the bars last. Two months? At least that long if not longer. Well, I wouldn't go this week anyway or was it last week? Anyway there's a big older men group get together in Fort Lauderdale. I mean, sure it would be great to see all of those beautiful old men, but then I would start lusting after them and might even slip a couple of them my card. No, I don't need that. Don't need the bar scene. It's nice to know that it's there when I want it, but at the moment I don't.

Ted called me yesterday. He meet an old man who lives in Wynmoor. Ted was manning the SAGE booth at the Gay.....something or other, that was held in Fort Lauderdale. I guess he recognized the old man's address as a Wynmoor address. I think Ted said he lives in one of the two story building near the tennis courts. I couldn't ask Ted many question as Dieter would have heard. But when I run into him at the courts the next time, I'll ask him. There's an old man with a big dick that I have seen in the gym that I saw driving out of the complex next to the tennis courts and I wonder if it is him! If so, I would love to suck the old man's big dick. I love seeing him changing clothes in the locker room. He's tall and slim and almost hairless except for some pubic hair. He got a long thick dick. I also saw him walking a little dog at the grassy area near the tennis courts. The dog looked old. I think that even though dog aren't allowed, under certain circumstances they are allowed. At least in the association near the tennis courts as that's the only place that I seen people walking dogs. So, I have to talk to Ted. I would love it to be the bald, smooth, big dick, old man I've seen in the locker room at the gym.

I did see Ted this morning at the tennis courts but he was playing doubles with a group of men in the 80's. Well, they don't really play games. They just bat the ball back and forth. I heard Ted tell one old man who had just hit a ball into the net. "That was a good shot. It almost made it over the net." Well, his words sounded condescending to me. But what do I know. I certainly wouldn't be content hitting balls with that group. There wasn't a one of them that sexually excited me, but then if I saw them naked that might change. But that's a good group for Ted. He can play big shot and doesn't have to worry about getting beat.

Myself, I just practiced. Two hours this morning and one hour this afternoon. I enjoy it and am getting slowly into great shape even if I'm not getting better at tennis. Soon, I'm going to start hitting balls with some of the stronger old men. I want to see if I can kept up with them. If so, then I'll start playing doubles with them. Maybe not having Ted as a partner is a good thing.

Haven't been to the gym. But in the morning or afternoon when it rains and I can't go to practice tennis, I'm going to start going back to the gym. I just got to see some old naked men.

Friday 9:03PM

Where did this week go? One day is running into another. Well, a few things were different today. I'm beginning to make friends with the hairy old guy (M.) that practices tennis with his ball machine. He and the guy that's sort of acts as caretaker for the club, a tall slim great looking old man (L.) that wears bandages on both legs when he plays tennis, both gave me advice on my serve today. And of course that was planned on my part.

After I practiced my serve at the far court that has the practice wall, I came back to the club house knowing that the hairy old guy would be there. I didn't expect to see him (M.) and L. practicing together. And I actually had a hard time recognizing L. with his cap on. He looks really striking for a 73yo old man. Anyway, I watched them a while. They both acknowledged my presence, which was nice. Then I took my bag of balls to the court beside them and started practicing my serve (which needs lots of work). I hit about five balls before L. walked over to the netting separating the courts and told me that I should take a step forward with my back foot as I hit the ball on my serve.

Well, M. had to come over and tell me to also hold my head up when I served and not bring it down until after I struck the ball. I thanked them and started to try to incorporate what they had told me in to my serving. I had some terrible serves and then presto! I had a killer serve and both of the old men shouted encouragement.

I had sort of known that they couldn't just stand there in the next court and watch me serve without giving me some advice. And it worked. I am going to get to know both of the old men. I really dig the hairy one, but the handsome one is nice too. They both have nice bulges in the crotch of their pants. Not that I'll ever see what causes the bulges. Still, it will be fun to get chummy with them at the courts. But sooner or later one of them is going to ask me if I'm married. I think at that point in time I'll just tell them I'm gay. And watch the shock on their faces. I know I shouldn't just come out and tell them, but what the hell. Either they will like me or they will not. If they don't want to have anything to do with me because I'm gay, so be it. I'll just continue to practice tennis alone if no one want to play with me. But I think it will not make any difference.....time will tell.

The other thing is that I got my other website up and running. http://enjoyoldpics.tv . All of my movies aren't on it but they will be adding the others in the coming weeks. You can see the complete moves, order DVoD (plays on your computer) just for paying the postage, or order  DVD's. I think you can use Master Card and Visa. Anyway, it up and running. Speaking of running, I got lots of things to do.

Sunday 9:03PM

Seems that I writing in my journal once every other day. Guess that because nothing much is happening. Today I didn't even go out of the apartment. Work at the computer all day. Needed a rest from the tennis courts and just had to do come computer work. Ok, I did break away for a couple of hours for a science fiction movie. But then it was back to the computer. And yesterday, I did practice tennis but didn't get a chance to talk to the old men. I'll probably run into them later this week.

I'm a little depressed. Guess its from being in the apartment all day. I really need my exercise to keep my mind clear. Tomorrow I'll be back on the court.

Tuesday 8:54PM

Well, I'm getting more friendly with the old men at the tennis court. Yesterday, I played patty cake . . . hitting the ball back and forth with three old men, the same ones that I saw Ted hitting with a week or so ago. I sort of looked bad. I had my new racket that I have really been trying hard to get used to and failing miserably. Seems that ever other ball I hit went out of bounds. I could have crawled under a rock if there had been one around big enough to hid under. OK, I didn't do that bad. One from the group of good players that were sitting at the club house and watching us hitting said that I had a very good stroke. And he said I could play with most players at Wynmoor. But I swear that I heard the hairy old man, who was sitting at the table of four old men watching us play, turn to another old man and say. "Yes in the sissy games."

I was devastated. Now I'm sure that he'll never want to hit with me. I'm not as bad as he thinks. But it's to my advantage for him to underestimate. I always like people to underestimate me. He's going to be surprised when I do hit with him using my cheap old racket that I can pound away at the balls and put good top spin on them. I'm not saying that I'll beat the old hairy man, but I will surprise him and maybe make him respect me.

As for the four old goats that I was hitting with, well, I changed my mind. I would blow a couple of them if I got a chance. One in particular seemed interested in me and kept hitting the ball to me whenever he got a chance to or so it seemed to me. And he was the nicest looking one of the four. But, I'm not sure that they will invite me back to hit with them. Time will tell.

Today it rained in the morning so I couldn't go the the courts. I went to Fort Lauderdale to check on my PO Box, as usual is my custom on Tuesdays. I also checked out the bathroom near the Silver Fox Restaurant. I think it's a lost cause. With just one urinal there is no opportunities!

I bought a new tennis racket today at Sports Authority. (I don't dare tell Dieter) I like the old man that waited on me. But he sold me a jacket that I really didn't want to buy. I hope I didn't make a mistake. All I need is another racket that's worthless! And the one the old man sold me it a cousin to the one I got from Costco. But this one cost me over a hundred dollars. The old man's is going to string it with less tension and he says that he thinks it will work for me. I do hope I'll be able to go back to him and tell him yes it works fine. Either way, I'm going to visit the old man at the store again. He's tall and slim. I want to check him out some more. Maybe he'll play tennis with me? Maybe he play off the court too? Ok, here I go daydreaming again!

Still haven't gone to the gym. I keep saying that I'm going, but never do. I do want to see the old naked men in the sauna, but I must say that the heat of the sauna during the steamy torrid days of summer isn't too attractive. But I will put up with it too see those big balls and cut dicks of the old men at the gym, soon.