January 2004
Thursday 12:01 1/1/04
It's here! 2004! Happy New Year to all my friends out there, because I have come to realize that a lot of you are my friends. And you have been very good to me! Sending me e-mails when I've down and ignoring my temper tantrums and buying my videos and enjoying them. What in the hell more can I ask for. THANK YOU!!
I went to the gym today. Saw a couple more old men naked that I hadn't seen before. But what really moved me was watching L...., the skinny old man that's about 90 that I see in the gym most days, looking for his gym bag. He had forgotten which locker he had placed it in. I was watching him from my seat inside the sauna. I felt so sorry for the old man ( he in his late 80's or early 90). He didn't say a word as he went from locker to locker looking for his bag. And then looking inside the same locker again. He finally found his bag, but it was a sad incident to witness. Like the new year that just arrive, there's no stopping time. Started me wondering if Dieter will become like the old man and began to lose his memory sometime. Sad what time finally does to us. Those of us that have older lovers, if nature takes it's course, will out live them! And face life without the person we most love in the world. It's already happened to me once. . . .
Dieter and I went to Fort Lauderdale today (I had to ship out several videos). I sneaked into the restroom at Coral Ridge. They had the door of the men's room propped open with the garbage can! I wonder if they are making an effort to keep the queers out? And someone (stupid person) had written "for a blow job show a hard cock" on the urinal. That's the worst thing you can do in a bathroom because it tells all the straight guys and security that this is a place were queer hang out! I hope the queer that wrote the message gets caught sucking someone's dick in the toilet. It would serve him right.
After the post office we went to the Alibi for lunch. And yes there were some nice old men eating lunch at the Alibi. I saw tall handsome E.... with his usual group of old men. Kissing E... I call him. I don't think there is an old man in Chardee's that he hasn't kissed. Good for him. I would love to kiss some of them. Ang.. was there with an old man that I ended up with in at the urinals in the bathroom. I kept trying to see his dick but his hand was in the way. Later when I was washing my hands he came over to me and said "I was in here the other day and some young guy was in the urinal beside me and I thought he was going to climb the wall to get farther away from me. What did he think I was going to do to him". Well, I want to tell the old man that I had just been trying my best to get close enough to him at the urinal to see his dick. But I didn't. I just joked with him and patted him on the shoulder. Funny how some one's poison is someone else's nectar.
Dieter and I had a glass of wine tonight as we watched the ball drop in Times Square. And as I watched I remember how I had started my search for a gay bar in times square when I first arrived in New York City in 1969. Memories. The older you get the more of them you have until it seems that memories start consuming your thoughts. It's something that you can't conceive of when your young, but living in the memories of the past is something that some of us are drawn too as we get older. And those memories can be a great burden!
Well, 2004 is here and we have another year of memories. I hope your memories of 2003 where good ones.
Thursday 1/1/04 9:18PM
Today was a clean up day. Got my friend from Iowa coming for a visit. So want the apartment looking nice. But will wait until tomorrow before polishing the furniture so the it is nice and shinny.
Well I really had a good time tonight. You see our building had it annual New Years Day dinner tonight (it started at 5:00PM call it an early bird special) in one of the functions rooms in the complex next to the main pool and gym. They sat Dieter and me at a table with seven single old ladies. I thought, shit it is going to be a miserable night. But it turn out to be a lot of fun. The camaraderie was fantastic! They served wine and cheese, ok it wasn't the wine or cheese that I would have served, but it's the thought that counts. We had chicken dinners and coffee and cake afterwards. And between the dinner and coffee the "Golden Girls of our condo", four old women from building sang and told jokes. It was so corny that I really enjoyed it.
And before dinner started and we were drinking wine, Dieter went over and said hello to A.... from up stairs. Dieter is far more out going then me. I also went over and said hell. A.... shook my hand and I thought he held my hand longer than necessary. I like him a lot. He got a full head of gray hair and has a moon pale complexion. I tried to judge from looking at his crotch if he had a big dick, but I couldn't tell. If his nose is a measuring stick, then lookout he hung like a horse. And after dinner when he was leaving A... came over and said bye to me and Dieter and again he held my hand longer than necessary and as he walked away he dragged his hand across my shoulders. Of course, I could just be imaging all of this but I think not. I am so hot for the old man that it hurts. Hopefully he'll stop by the apartment (and hopefully when Dieter is away!).
One of the women at our table asked me for my e-mail address. She actually was the most interesting looking one. I just hope that she isn't interested in me. I mean, I probably would fuck her if she wasn't living in the same building as us, but I would be afraid of doing something with here since she is so close. Funny, I don't have that problem with A... (should he ever put himself in a situation where I can make a real pass at him, I will) but with a women . . . no way Jose!
So, what do I do if she e-mails me and tries to start up something. Well, I guess I'll just tell her the truth. I'm gay! Don't want to come out and state it so openly but . . . it will not be the first time.
You know, I had more fun at the dinner than I have had at Tropics or Chardee's in years. Yes, they were all Jewish and mostly women (here and there were a couple of drop dead grandpas that I would move mountains to get in bed with) but damn if they weren't friend and took to Dieter and me like ducks to water. I felt like I belonged. It was a great feeling. No one was giving me fugitive looks or whispering behind my back. We were just having fun with a group of nice people. So what if they were straight. Well, the woman sitting next to me wasn't straight if I am a judge of such matters and I consider myself pretty good. She was a dike if I've ever seen one. But she was nice and friendly and I enjoyed her company as I did all the people at our table. (Hey, I just realized that counting me and Dieter there are four gays in our building . . . the dyke from that was sitting beside me tonight and the guy that live in the unit above us. That's a good start! And we all moved in our condo recently!)
So, I've decided to have a wine and cheese tasting party for our building. Haven't decided on a date but I think I'll do it this month, maybe while my friend is here to help out. I want to give something back to them for making me feel so at home.
I'm so glad I didn't go out to the bars last night or tonight. I had a wonderful time staying home with Dieter last night and having dinner with the old people from our building to day. It was a nice way to start the New Year.
Saturday 01/03/04 6:44
Well, having a guest in the house has disrupted my schedule as I do try to be the best host I can. We spend extra time at the airport as the flight was a couple hours late. Here's Dieter at the airport. And as we were waiting a young chubby guy came over and introduced himself and said he was a subscriber to the website. He was waiting for his lover who was coming in on the same flight. And let me tell you his lover was a great looking older man!
Well Rich finally arrived. Dieter greeted him while I snapped a couple of pictures. Then it was off to our condo.
Rich loves our condo. He's selling his house in Iowa and moving here at the end of '04. We took him out for dinner. But all the restaurants were crowded with a 25 minutes or more wait so we wound up a Big Louies. And let me tell you, they are inexpensive and they serve good food and big portions! Rich loved it. Then it was off to Tropics. And almost right away a guy set down beside Dieter and told him the he knew him from pictures on the internet. Then he introduced himself to me and told men he had lots of camea equiptment and he would loan me some of it if I needed and that he was an editor. Well, like I said before, have gone the route with "the do dad" and thanks but no thanks. But as he was talking to Dieter and tell him how much fun I must be having filming the videos, I got concerned that he was going into too much details about the videos and had Rich tell Dieter that he was tried and ready to go home. Really don't want Dieter knowing blow for blow what I do in the videos.
We took Rich to the swap shop market on 441 in Margate. He enjoyed helping us pick out fruits. Then we had a big lunch. Later we all went for a swim in the pool behind our condo. All in all it was a nice day. I going to start dinner in a moment then were off to Chardee's for a couple of drinks and maybe to Boardwalk (youg go go boys) so that rich can look at young studs (he like them old or young). He loves sticking dollar bills down there g-strings. Oh, well each to his own.
Ok, I'm hurried! Got to cook up a delicious dinner (God I hope) and out to the bars.
Sunday 01/04/04 9:18
I feel totally out of place at Chardee's. The place makes me feel like I'm a fat, ugly duckling in a pond of swans. I feel like everyone that looks at me thinks I'm ugly. Guess, I should lose some weight and let my hair grow out. Wonder if that you give me a better self image? I don't know, probably not. I am on icuii (only so that I can advertise my website) and I get messages from people that think I'm handsome. Maybe the lens of the web cam is very complementary? Maybe the people need new glasses? Maybe there are just insane? Because I don't consider myself handsome.
There's a nice young guy that adores Dieter since he first saw Dieter in Chardee's about five years ago. M... was living in Chicago at the time. Later he moved down here. And each time he sees Dieter he has been almost adoring. And let me tell you, he's to die for if your are into young guys. He is drop dead handsome and very intelligent. We met him last night and it was the only good think about our visit to Chardee's. M... was very nice. He really taken charge of his live. And he's got a wonderful gray haired special friend now and has settled down. I'm very pleased to see that because I always liked him and was hoping that someone would come along special enough that he would finally make a commitment. Nice to see good things happen to nice people.
We went to Chardee's because Rich had an appointment with one of his internet chat buddies. I think he had intended on bringing him home and I was surprised when he declined to do say as the 30yo was nice looking and very out going. But, I like I've said many times, you can chat with people online and talk to them on the telephone, but it takes a real time face to face meeting before you can really react honestly to someone. Guess it just didn't click between Rich and his internet buddy last night. Rich wormed his way out of the situation and I am sure he doesn't want to see the guy again.
Ok, got to get off the computer. I'm using my other one to burn DVD's and Rich wants to check his e-mail on this one. With guest in the house the routine changes. Didn't get time to watch any science fiction movies. Probably will not get to the gym while he's here. But that's alright. Guests always come first in my home.
Monday 9:12 01/05/04
Like said, having a guests changes your schedule. Needless to say, I didn't go to the gym this morning. Don't think I'll make it tomorrow. Oh well, when I do get back I will enjoy the hell out of it.
Being that it was Monday I had to mail some videos, so the three of us when to Fort Lauderdale. Before going to the post office we went to Hamburger Mary's for lunch.
This is the back side of Hamburger Mary's. Now look at that lush planting around the patio area. I bet it doesn't look like that up in the cold north! Thank havens for our beautiful weather.
We all had fun. Hamburger Mary's is a fun type of place. There are lots of young studs but as you can see there was a table of nice old men behind me. Two of them were bald and really nice looking.
They bring you your check in a lady's slipper. The place is a hoot!
And the inside of Hamburger Mary's is really funky, with wild colors. Hey I enjoy eating at Mary's! And I've yet to go there when I didn't see at least a couple of very nice looking old men.
I have gotten some wonderful fan mail this week. I guess that's what I have to call it. There are some really nice people out there in cyber land that really praise the website and really like me! It's always amazes me that so many people read my journal. I guess my life is just different enough from lots of the subscribers to the website that they find it entertaining. I guess I live in a place where lots of people want to live. And I do things that many people only fantasize doing. So, I guess my life is just different and gay enough to catch some people's attention. But that some of them think so highly of me is difficult to understand. I must try to remember when I'm having one of my temper tantrums that the person I might be sending out a nasty e-mail to might be one of my fans. And what I say to them might hurt their feeling deeply.
You know, I'm the kind of person that will be yelling angry at someone one moment and breaking my neck to help them in the next. I just have this reflex to strike out when someone confronts me. Damn, I have sent out many e-mails that I would give anything to have back. And this reaction of mine to aggressively defend myself has caused people to think that I'm a mean spirited person. That of course is the just the opposite of what I'm really like. If I could determine what people were going to remember about me it would be one thing. "He was a nice guy." But then one never has that opportunity. People will remember someone in their own way and through their own view.
Wednesday 9:50 PM 01/07/04
Rich is on the computer a lot and has a number of chat friends. Dieter and I got invited along with Rich to a very nice couple's apartment for dinner last night that Rich had been chatting with on the computer for over a year but had never met. (Actually his chat buddy is Shawn in the picture below.) They live on a canal in NE Fort Lauderdale with a fantastic. Well, as I have stated before, I'm shy and don't venture out for dinner with people I don't already know very often. But I am very thankful that I went to dinner at Shawn & Roger. I had a fantastic time!
Shawn
You know I have been unhappy with going out to the bars lately. Dieter and I usually stand in a corner and don't talk to anyone unless someone comes over from out of town and has seen us on the website and wants to say hello. I can't say that we have any "friends" in Tropics or Chardee's. So, going to the bars had really become a drag and had started to be very depressing . I had almost forgotten how much fun it is to engage in a nice friendly conversation with a couple of friends that wasn't looking for a sexual encounter. Because in a bar there always seems to be a under current of sexual desire when ever people meet for the first time.
Roger
Well, last night reminded me of how it used to be when I lived in Iowa and would have gay friends over for dinner. It reminded me of how much fun engaging in a conversation with new acquaintances over a glass of good wine and a delicious dinner can be. And how by the time the evening comes to an end, strangers are transformed into friends. Well, I walk away from the dinner party at Shawn & Roger's with the sense that I had just made three new friends.
The third person was David. Just to show you how small the world is he comes from a small town in Alabama a few miles from where I grew up. It was really nice talking to someone that knew all the places that I knew growing up. And David is a super nice man. He's funny and out going. I really enjoyed the long conversations I had with him.
David
But David wasn't the only one that was witty and had all of us laughing and enjoying ourselves, Shawn kept me smiling and laughing the entire night. He has a great sense of humor! Roger is more serious and spitural, but just as out going and friendly as Shawn. What a great combination!
David and Shawn Dieter and Rich
So I sort of see last night as a mile stone for me. Now, I'm going to become more social. But not by going out to bars but by spending time with people I enjoy.
Today was hectic. We were on the go taking Rich shopping (and doing a little shopping ourselves) almost all day. We had lunch at the Alibi. Fun as usual! And then shopped some more before winding up at Bill's Filling Station as Rich had never been there and we are trying to show him all the bars. (When to Boardwalk one night and I hated it. I can't stand the young studs putting their hands one me, but Rich was in Hog Heaven.). We stayed until after seven. Didn't venture back to their patio bar as we usually do because today was windy and cool and the inside bar felt more comfortable. I did peek out to see if Tim, a wonderful bartender was working the patio bar. He wasn't. So home to went.
I desperately want to go to the gym tomorrow, but don't think I'll be able to. I sure am missing seeing those old naked our condo men in the locker room and the sauna. I guess I'm going through withdrawal! Next week! Yes! Naked old men with be on the daily menu.
And got to get another shoot going. And, no I haven't forgotten about the story I'm writing, "Snowball". I will try to finish it newt week. Just can't concentrate enough with Rich sitting beside me on the other computer chatting with his friends and answering his e-mail. I keep talking to him as he shows me what someone writes . . . or he's chatting to someone I know and I get involved with the exchange. Not that I'm complaining, as I enjoying his visit. And I'll have plenty of time to finish "Snowball" and write other stories when his visit is over. Right now I have to concentrate on seeing that he has a good trip.
Thursday 3:23 PM 01/08/04
Today is all work. I'm in the middle of burning DVD's and VCD to mail out tomorrow. Got lots of orders and have to kept both computers burning to have the videos ready to ship tomorrow. Luckily Rich is out having lunch with Len (one of his chat buddies that I met today) and Shawn (the Shawn from the marvelous dinner party the other night) so I have both computer free.
IDamn, I probably got myself in deep shit again writing such confessions in my journal! "The Do Dad" wasn't pleased with me mentioning him in my journal the other day. And he let me know it in a short note. I guess people think they can go and break agreements on a whim and feel like they haven't done anything wrong. I Don't think "The Do Dad" will be posting anymore of my messages on his websites. Oh well, my messages get lost in the sea of commercial ads he posts on his websites in his efforts to make money off his yahoo groups. Hope him luck.
Rich, Dieter and I have been going swimming about 5:00PM in the condo's pool. I call it our gay swim. I'm hoping the other gay or bi men from the building will see us there and join in. So for no one has but you never know. It's the pool for Antigua 1 just in case you live in our condo and want to stop by for a swim with us.
Ok, got more DVD's to burn!
Saturday 01/10/04 9:29 AM
Last night we took Rich first to Tropics. It was packed! And the nice handsome older man that is interest in becoming involved with my videos shook my hand and later came over to talk to me. Damn is he handsome! Sure wish he was interested in me! Oh, well, we can't have all our wishes come true. Hopefully he'll e-mail me and we'll have lunch together next week. I really like him but he intimidates with his good looks. I guess that's why I've never accepted his invitations for lunch before. People just don't realize how shy I am. Or how difficult it is for me to meet someone that I really admire as I do this gentlemen. I'll have fun just sitting across from him and looking at him if we do meet for lunch. But he said he would e-mail me last night but he didn't so maybe he not going to.
After Tropics we met Shawn and Roger at Big Louis' for dinner. We went there because Rich like a certain waiter he had met there the last time we went. The food is good, not great and it's inexpensive. As they were the last time, Shawn and Roger were delightful. Shawn brought to my attention how I am always ordering Dieter around. And it's true. I do. I'm always telling him "do this" "don't do that" and he puts up with it. But let me tell you! When he wants to do something that I don't want him to do . . . he damn sure does it. But I'm bossy toward him. I should try not to be so bossy.
Speaking of Dieter, the doctor found two more spots of cancer on his leg. So he got to go to a cancer doctor to have it looked at. I think they will have to operate on the spots. Hopefully it will be just an out patient thing. But what it does show it that he still has cancer in his system. So, I worried even though I try not to show it around him.
After Big Louis' we all met at Dudes. It both a piano bar/video bar and male dancer bar. When we arrive the piano player had just finished playing and they had switched to loud video music (9:45PM). But there were a dozen or more great looking old men sitting at the bar and at table. Now if you are younger looking for older, get you ass down there for the cocktail hour and you'll make out like a bandit. Me, I'm to old at chubby for the old men at Dudes, but I can still look and drool. In fact we are going there tonight during the cocktail hour. I'll confirm what I suspect, that it's a haven for older men, and place the address on my Ft. Lauderdale page.
Shawn and Roger accompanied Rich to the dancer bar while Dieter and I stayed in the piano/video bar. I had enough of dancer bars the night we went to Boardwalk and some handsome stud was fondling me. Damn, I couldn't stand him to touch me, he was so young. I just don't have any gay feeling toward young men! I'm not sure that Shawn and Roger enjoyed the male dance bar. They were probably just being nice to Rich as that are the kind of people they are, very considerate. Anyway the whole damn place was so noisy that it's impossible to carry on a normal conversation. (That's why we are going to check out the piano bar tonight).
Still it was a nice experience. It always nice to be among friends as it makes any place nice.
Sunday 11:35AM 01/11/04
Just finished fixing breakfast for everyone. As soon as Rich is gone am going to start working on loosing some weight . . . about 15 or 20 lbs. Ok, maybe I will maybe I won't. Let me think about it.
The three of us, Me, Dieter and Rich went out to dinner at the great inexpensive French restaurant 33rd and Dine (I recommend it on my (where to find old men) Fort Lauderdale page and have the address posted. Dieter and Rich had red snapper and it was great! (and let me tell you if Dieter says fish is great it is because he is very fussy about how fish is cooked). They have a small but great wine list and we had a bottle of Cote de Rhone that was fantastic! And there was a dream of an old man sitting at the table beside us. He had on a beautiful burnt orange sweater. He was short, with thinning gray hair and was a little chubby. And trust me, he as a heart stopper.
From there we walked down the block to Dudes. I think Dudes is going to become my bar of choice. From 6:00PM to 9:00PM the piano player plays in the piano/video bar. After that the place turns into a video bar and it just too noisy for me! But from 6:00 to 9:00 PM it is great. I love the decor. There are enough old men to set anyone's heart a fluttering and lot of them you'll never see in Chardee's or Tropics. So if you are youngish looking for an old man, by all means visit the piano bar! And I saw a couple of older men hit it off with other older men, also. For info on Dudes go to their website http://www.dudesbar.com/ . We saw several older gay men that we had seen in 33rd and Dine come over to Dudes while we were in the piano bar.
I did get to see one old guy's nice uncut dick during a visit to the bathroom. He was kissing a young guy while at the urinal and so wasn't noticing me so I just leaned over and took a good look. And the urinals are great for sneaking a look as someone's dick as there are five lined up in a row and the dividers are low enough that you can easily look over them. So for us old men dick watchers it can be a thrill.
The only bad thing about the place is when it turns into a video bar! And Rich was having a good time over at the other twin bar where the studs are dancing and wanted to stay on. Well, he's a guest and so we endured knowing that the picking back in Iowa are slim to none for him. When we are there on our own, we would never stay after the piano player stops.
Next week is going to be busy. Rich leaves on Monday and that night we have to go to a meeting of the US club at our condo (a club for those under 70yo). And the first thing on Tuesday I got to clean the apart. Want to have Shawn and Roger over for dinner later in the week along with a Turk friend of Dieter's if I can arrange a day suitable for everyone. Then the drop dead handsome older man who wants to talk to me about my website e-mailed me and I want to set up a day to meet him for lunch. I'm very excite about finally sitting down and talking to him. As I have said before, he is a really nice man!!! I've actually been reluctant to meet him because I admire him so much. Oh well, get a grip on yourself, Pete! At least you'll get to sit at the same table with him.
You know one of the reasons I enjoyed Dudes so much? I saw very few people I knew. It's like starting over. I feel like I'm going to make some nice friends at Dudes. Screw the clicks at Chardee's and Tropics.
Well, today I'm not going any where (unless
Rich insists) I need a day to relax. I haven't seen a science fiction movies
since he's been here. Maybe today I'll watch one on the Sifi channel.
Tuesday 9:19 01/13/04 Dieter and I took Rich to the airport Monday. He left on the a 4:00 O'clock flight. So today things were quite and the condo seemed empty. You know how it is when you have guest and get use to the whirl wind activity and suddenly they are gone. Dieter said the apartment seemed quiet last night. I told him no that it was only that he knew we were alone. That feeling of only the two of us being in the condo makes it just seem quiet. We enjoyed showing Rich around.
Today it was back to my routine. Well, I sort of have a new routine. I go for a long walk about 7:00 AM in the morning. But the routine I am talking about it going to the gym. Yes, I made it to the gym and it was worth the wait. Saw the hairy old man with the bad leg naked. Saw L... the skinny old man with the nice dick and ball naked. R... the tall skinny guy that I us to see in the shower area (I would watch him showering and he would watch me showering and later we would both be in the sauna) was in the gym today. Actually I saw him when I walked past the pool. He played like he didn't see me and I did the same. I knew that he would follow me into the gym. I think he likes looking at my dick and showing he. I do think it might be possible to get it on with him if I wanted too. He's too skinny for me but hey, I get damn horny sometimes.
Anyway he did follow me into the gym and came and took a shower next to me while I was showering off. I got out first and watched him as I dried off. He came out then and I had to make an effort to keep from touching him as I squeezed pass. He came to the sauna but there were to many people in the sauna for me to play touchy with my dick. But now that he's back from his trip, I'm sure I'll see him in the sauna often. And I'm really going to play with my dick one of these times just to see how far he'll go. Or see his reaction when I get a hard on.
R... left the sauna when he saw how many people were inside. But he had no more than left when a new guy entered. He was wearing a cross around his neck so he couldn't be Jewish, still he had a cut dick. And what a dick the chubby old man had. It looked like it was almost hard. It was fat and sticking almost straight out. Like maybe he had an implant. If not it might be one of those cocks that are big but don't get much bigger when they are hard. But let me tell you, he had a looker! I would drop to my knees in front of him any old time. He told me he just bought in our condo and was only down for a month before heading back to New York.
Later I was in the shower that on the opposite wall from the other showers and he took the one across from me, but he made damn sure I couldn't see through his curtains. In fact he kept adjusting them as I changed my position. I think he might have seen me looking at his dick in the sauna. Oh, well, it's not against the law to look.
Sal and Erwin are coming over tomorrow and the four of us are going to either the Alibi or Hamburger Mary's for lunch. I'm going to try and remember to take some pictures of Sal and Erwin to post in my journal. Erwin is a 78yo doll! He's got a nice thick dick and a huge set of balls. I lived with them a couple of months when Dieter and I were separated. And I saw him naked many time. Sal and I are just friends. There's nothing sexual between us, but there certainly could be between Erwin and me!
Ok, I'm tried as hell. Got dozens of DVD's to burn. And tomorrow have to clean the apartment!
Wednesday 5:17 PM 01/14/04
The gym wasn't much today. Only say the old man that collects for a charity outside of the Jewish deli in the sauna. But man does he have a huge set of balls! I could really get off just looking at his balls. He keeps his legs crossed so I really get very few open looks at his oversized balls, but when I do get a good look at them, wow!
Sal and Erwin came over at 1:00 PM and we all when out to the Alibi for lunch. Sal and Erwin are our closest friends. We meet them in Chardee's the first month after we moved to Fort Lauderdale and quickly became good friends. Sure we meet other people in Chardee's but only Sal and Erwin became our friends. Somehow that others fell to the way side either because Dieter and I broke up or because we stopped going to the bars. But Sal and Erwin stuck with us through thick and thin.
Sal and Erwin were both married when they met in New York City over thirty years ago. They became lovers (they wives didn't know) and their wives because good friends. Sal is Italian, Erwin is Jewish. Later Erwin's wife died of cancer and he moved down here. Sal divorced his wife and moved down to be with Erwin a couple of years later. They have an open relationship. Erwin has a nice thick dick and big balls. He's 79yo and still get rock hard without any pills. Sal is 68 and can make love for hours!
Erwin
Sal
They have a nice condo and can entertain locals. E-mail me hroland@bellsouth.net and I'll give you their telephone # if your are interested in meeting one or the other or both. They are really great people! If everyone were as nice as them it would be a wonderful world.
Thursday 11:03 PM 01/15/04
Well didn't go the to gym this morning but did go for a walk around the village or our condo and wore a pair of shorts that really showed the outline of my cock. God, I'm getting more and more perverse everyday. But it was fun thinking that all the old men and women that walk pass me are seeing a big bulge in the crotch of my shorts! Gives me a perverse thrill! Tomorrow I might wear a cock ring to make the bulge look even bigger! I know, I going straight to hell, but I'm going to enjoy the ride down.
Had my first dinner party tonight. The people were fantastic. Shawn and Roger were as charming as ever. Here they are having cocktails.
I also invited Erdale and his house guest Bill. Erdale is an old friend of bother Dieter and I and has been very good to the both of us over the years. He always charming and a great conversations.
His friend Bill we meet for the first time. He is very nice and hopefully we well see him again.
Here they are together.
And of course the big D stuffing his face.
Needless to say, I've had too much to drink. Wine and then brandy. I'm stuffed. Just hope everyone enjoyed the meal, but a dinner party is more about getting together with friends than it is sitting down to a meal. Give me a nice group of people to dine with and I don't much care what food you serve me.
Oh, yea. I almost forgot. Dieter meet the old man A.... from upstairs today while he was getting the mail. The old man wanted to come and visit but Dieter begged off telling him I was busy cleaning the apart (which I was). The old man asked Dieter to come up to his place and Dieter did. They talked for a long time with Dieter telling A.... (he's 89) that we would invite him to dinner soon with the single guy above us (gay).
I'll tell you what. I am hot for the old man. I want to get him alone for a while. I hope that he invites me up to his place one of these days when I see him. But I'm also afraid as I might make a pass at him. Or even expose myself to him if he gives me the chance. I would love to whip it out and jack off in front of him. Hey, I said I'm getting more and more perverse the older I get. And I learned a long time ago that if you want to do something and get a chance do it you better go for it or you'll spend years regretting the lost opportunity. Well, If I get a chance to do something with the old man I'm going to go for it. Even if it just showing him my dick.
Anyway, I fantasized about the old man all afternoon as I was getting ready for our guests. And sometime fantasizes can be better than the real thing. So, I got a whole afternoon of pleasure out of the just Dieter meeting the old man. Hey, thrill can come cheap for me.
Damn, too much to drink. Bed time for this drunk.
Friday 8:58 01/16/04
I can't drink more than a couple of glasses of wine or a few beers without getting a hangover. Well had one this morning, but it was only a slight one. And I would have endured a much worse one to repeat last night dinner party. Really feels great to be entertaining again. Both Dieter and I love having people over for dinner. And as I said it before, my nice experience at Shawn and Roger's brought me out of my shell. They know how to entertain!
Because my head was playing a tune I didn't care for, I didn't go for my walk this morning. In fact didn't roll out of bed until about 9:00 AM. Felt sorry for those at the party that had to get up early and go to work. Hope there head's were playing a different tune.
I dreamed over and over last night about jacking off in front of the old man upstairs. It was great. Maybe it will happen maybe not. I have to be careful as I like him and don't want to make him mad. Dieter and I are going to invite him with the guy that lives above us to dinner real soon. It will be interested to see how it goes. The guy above us is gay. He's met the old man. If the conversation become real gay, wonder what the old man will say? I looked forward to it.
Met with the handsome, charming guy interested in helping me with my videos. I knew he was going to be nice but he was even nicer than I had ever imagined. Do wish I was older and skinny as that's what he likes. Oh well, I'm either too heavy and not old enough or too skinny and not young enough . . . you know how it goes. I do hope he and I becomes good friends. I really like him so much so that I'm very shy around him.
Hey, had to stop by the post office at Coral Ridge and of course took a piss at the near by restroom. There was a skinny old man with a long slim uncut dick at the urinal. I saw him there a couple days ago. I think he likes younger. He glanced over at me and played with his dick a moment but then left. I did enjoy the brief show!
I'm concerned about Dieter's health. His skin doctor (hey I can't remember all the names for the specialist) is sending him to see his cancer doctor next week. And he acted like it was urgent that Dieter see him as soon as possible. He even called Dieter cancer doctor to move the appointment up a few days. Dieter has had melanoma (two years ago he had a silver dollar sized hunk cut out of his right leg and the limp nodes removed from his right groin) and he got a couple spots on the upper inside thigh of his right leg again. I've a little frightened. The skin doctor told him the spots were melanoma. We will not know too much until we see the cancer doctor on Wednesday. God! Dieter would kill me if he knew I was writing this! But this in my journal and I just can't sit down and write in it without telling what's happening in my live. I don't really know much about melanoma, but I think when it returns it's fairly dangerous. OK, I can't even let myself think down those lines. I just have to remember that Dieter's as happy as he's ever been in his life and that I've worked very hard to make him happy.
Enough negative thoughts. OK, got to post some pictures or I'll be strung up by the thumbs.
Saturday 9:30PM 01/17/04
I shouldn't even be writing anything in my journal tonight because I afraid of what I'll write. I've been researching melanoma on the internet and what I found, if I read it correctly, isn't good. As I understand it. Dieter had stage III melanoma the first time. So his chances of it recurring was high. He took intron A or something like that but didn't finish the treatment because it almost killed him. Made him into a vegetable. He couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, and couldn't think. So I took him off. He was on it about four months and should have been on it 18 months. Well in that past year. We have bought the condo and Dieter is truly happy. But now the recurrence. From what I've read most people with stage III that have a recurrence don't have much of a chance even of a five year survival. I do hope I am wrong. Hopefully I misjudged the material I scanned.
I don't know what I'll do if I lose him! He's my life. And to face the period when he gets really sick! God, how can I get through that. And what's going to happen to me without Dieter? So many questions to ask myself.
Dieter is more concerned with what happens to me than he is about himself. We talked about it today. I told him that I'm a survivor and somehow will get along. But I'm not so sure. Dieter isn't afraid of dying. His father died when he was 67 and all Dieter ever wanted was to live a little longer. Dieter will be 67 in June.
We enjoyed a nice quiet day today. I love being around him. It hasn't always been that way. But I can now finally say with all honesty that I love him as much if not more than I did Frank. We talked several times about what his prognosis might be and without being emotional about it. But at times when I am out of his sight I become very emotional. Still we enjoyed the day and even went swimming around 5:00PM and had a great time with just the two of us in the pool.
No matter what we find out at the doctor's on Wednesday. We will have many more nice days like today. And I mean to make every day count and as enjoyable for him as possible. I will feel blessed with every day I have him with me from now on.
Forgive me if I slight the website here and there. Today it's not as important as it was last week to me. But in fact it should be more important. Without Dieter's income, I'll have to depend more on the website and my real estate business. Even to live here in our condo, I'll have to prove income (no proof with the website). So, for proof of income, I'll only have the income from real estate. That means I'm going to have to devote more time to real estate as I would hate to get kicked out of here because I couldn't prove enough income.
Hopefully all the difficult times and choices are years down the road. Hopefully on Wednesday the doctor's report will be good. And I want to believe that whole heartedly, but there's a nagging doubt in the back of my mind. Wish I had something nice to write about. Wish I was writing about the gym or the urinal at Coral Ridge. I'm wishing for a lot . . .
Sunday 8:29 01/18/04
Had a wonderful day with Dieter today. We went to the Swap Shop market on 441 in Margate and bought our fresh fruit for the week and some veggies. I'll take my camera next time. It's so colorful and full of so many diverse nationalities that it's quite exciting. The rest of the day we spend just being home bodies. Had an early cocktail hour and then dinner. Was a nice, quiet, pleasant Sunday.
Tomorrow night we go to our first meet of the US club. Don't know where they came up with that name as it is for people under seventy here in our condo. So you try to figure out how they came up with the name US? Anyway, the gay guy from up stairs (T....) will be there and I'll get to meet him officially. He looks about 55 and isn't my type as he is too young looking. But will be good to finally talk to him. I'm thinking of inviting him and the old man A...... from upstairs for dinner soon. But first I want to see what type person T.... is before I do. I want to know if he's so outwardly gay that he's embarrass A.... with all his gay talk. I do want the old man to be comfortable when he's invited over for dinner. If it doesn't work out with T... then I see about inviting Sal and Erwin for dinner. But I'll have to tell Sal to clean up his act as he loves to talk about his and Erwin's exploits in great detail. And I am sure such talk would blow the old man's mind. Speaking of blow . . . well there's something I would love to blow of the old man's and it isn't his mind. Now, I say that and I haven't even seen what down between his old legs. But I'm sure that I will neither get to see or blow it. Still, I do want to invite A.... as I like him and he's lonely. His wife died this year and he's very lonely. I'll give him a warm comforting shoulder and keep my hands in my pockets. Well, I will try to keep my hand out of his pants at least.
Life goes on!
The weather this morning was perfect. The temperature reached 80F before it became cloudy and started to rain. But is was nice listening to the rain against the windows of the porch as I worked on the computer.
Tomorrow I'll go for my morning walk. I enjoy it. I see some nice looking old men. OK, so most have their wives tagging along with them. But I still get to eye the old men. And they are bundled up like this was New England in the winter. I mean it's in the fifties here in the morning and I'm wearing shorts and T-shirt and they have on jackets and gloves. It's a funny sight the contras between the way I dress and they way they dress. Guess their blood is thinner or something.
I think I'll also go to the gym tomorrow. God, do I need to see some naked old men! Hopefully, I'll get to see some old eye candy. I'm beginning to think that some of the regular guys realize that I'm gay and enjoying looking at their dicks. L.... the skinny old man that can't remember in which locker he put is gym bag, opens the sauna door and when he see me inside he doesn't come in. But then maybe he doesn't come in if anyone is inside. I'll have to watch and see. And I bet tomorrow, being a holiday, the gym will be busy, at least I hope the sauna is.
OK, got some other things I have to get down before bedtime.
Monday 01/19/04
What an experience I had today at the gym. First I took my 3 mile walk/jog around the village and got to see some very nice old men out for the morning exercise. It was stimulating both physical and sexual. A great way to start my morning. Than after breakfast, the gym! At first I thought my visit was going to be a shit! No one was in the sauna. The place looked dead. Well, I took a quick shower and went into the sauna alone. Then who should walk into the locker room but one of the old men that I see out my window at our pool some mornings. He's a tall man, neither slim or chubby. Dieter had met him one morning at the pool but I never had. I really didn't recognize him at first when he came in the sauna wearing his swimming suit. But when we started chatted and talking about how cold the main pool is, I told him that the pool at my building is warmer. He asked me which building I lived in. Then he told me he lived in the next building and suddenly I recognized him!
Well we had a nice chat and all the time he's glancing down at my dick and I'm reaching down and tugging at my foreskin as I try to keep it big. I would even reach down and cup my balls in my hand for a brief moment. And each time I did, the old man's eyes would flick downward as he eyed my dick. I kept looking at the crotch of his swimming suit but couldn't tell if he had a big dick or a small one.
The old man isn't good looking, but he isn't ugly. He's Jewish, of course. But he really turned me on. I loved the attention he gave my dick. The longer we stayed in the sauna the more hot I got for the old man and I really had to restrain myself to keep from tugging on my dick more than I already was. Finally I told the old man my name and he told me me his and we shook hands. His name is S..... After the introduction the old man left the sauna. I waited a reasonable amount of time and followed him into the shower area.
The old man was in the first shower on the far wall so I took one on the opposite side of the wall from him. But he had his curtains pulled and I couldn't see him. Well, I was starting to think that I wasn't going to get to see the old man naked. I didn't see him when I got out of the shower. I was drying myself off when I finally spotted the old man was coming back from taking a piss. He had his town wrapped his waist. Then as I turn to face him as I dried off, the old man removed his towel and turned to face me. He wanted me to see him naked! He could have face his the wall where his cloths were hanging or he could have turned his back to me. But no! He turned to face and show me his dick! God! What a big cock head! His dick was short but the head of his dick was huge. And he knew I was staring at his dick!
Later we were dressing in the locker room and I gave him several more looks at my dick before I finally got dressed. When the old man was leaving he stopped at the door way of the locker room and turn and said goodbye. Well, the experience might now sees exciting to other people, but you have to realize that I've been watching the old man sitting at our pool and fantasying about seeing him naked for weeks. Well, I finally got my wish. Now, the big question is will I see him in the sauna again. Is this just a one time meeting? Or will the old man come to the gym again at the same time making an effort to meet me again? Time will tell. I truly hope I not only meet him again but maybe something will occur between us in the future.
Tonight Dieter and I went the meeting of the US Club (I can't believe that I couldn't see that the us stood for under seventy . . . guess it was a senior moment). It was boring! But I did get to see some nice looking old men. And finally meet the guy above us. I will be inviting him and his guest plus A.... the old man from upstairs to dinner. Maybe next week. Of course the real reason I'm having them over is have A.... over. I want to feel out the old man. I have a feeling that he just might want to play around. Of course, I'm wrong about these things as often as I'm right. So, I will go careful.
All in all it was a good day. And life goes on . . .
Tuesday 8:43 01/20/04
The gym was good today. No, I didn't see the old man S.... that visits our pool. but I did get to see a nice tall skinny white haired old man naked in the sauna who had a small uncut dick which he kept trying to hid under his towel. But I did get a look at it. Then the old chubby guy that wears the big cross on a chain around his neck came in. Damn he got a long thick dick. He only stayed only a few moment. When he first came in, he had his bathing suit on but stood up right in front of me and took it off to place near the heater to dry. And I got a wonder look at his big dick and balls that were less than a foot from my face. Then J.... the chubby guy that comes in first wearing his bathing suit and then later naked came in the sauna and I got to look his his big balls. Next came in the old man that collects for a charity in front of the Jewish deli. Man, has he got a hug set of low hanging balls. I haven't seen ball as big as his hanging so low. They are beautiful.
Then when I was leaving I glanced into the shower area and an old man was taking a shower with the curtains wide open. I could see his reflection in the mirror at the first sink. So I stayed at the sink playing like I was looking for something in my gym bag. I must have watched the old man (he looked about 65 and was average size with an average cut dick) five minutes as he soaped himself. I really enjoyed watching him soaping his crotch. It was FUN!
The rest of the day I was busy burning DVD's. I got a bunch I have to mail out tomorrow. Will do it before taking Dieter to the cancer doctor. Ok, Bush is going to be on TV in a few minutes. Want to hear what lies the Pres is going to utter this time.
Wednesday 8:54 PM 01/21/04
Well the light side first. I got to the gym late today and there's wasn't anyone there. I did see L.... (skinny very old man who can't remember which locker he puts his clothes in) and got a nice look at his dick and balls. He might be about 90yo but still has a beautiful dick. But I did get another thrill. I took a long shower after I the sauna and played with my dick until I got it half hard. I kept it that way but when no one came in to the shower area, I finally decided to head home. When I walked into the locker room a short skinny old man with glasses that I hadn't seen before was getting dressed. Well he saw my semi hard on and couldn't keep his eyes off it as I slowly got dressed. I got a big thrill out of him sneaking glances at my big dick. It was good clean fun.
This after noon I took Dieter to the cancer doctor (sorry as I said before can't remember what kind of doctor does what). Although he will not "sit down and talk to us" until after Dieter has a complete scan he did reveal two things that make me believe that his little chat with us is going to be either bad or worse. Dieter showed him three more spots that he hadn't showed the skin doctor and the cancer doctor said yes they were melanoma. I asked him if he could operate on them and he said no there were too many. Now these body scans will reveal one of two things. It will show if the cancer is stage III or stage IV. If it turns out to be stage III then there is a fairly good chance of long term survival. If it is stage IV then there isn't any treatment to prolong survival. So now we just have to wait to see which stage is it.
The insidious thing about it is Dieter feels great. He isn't sick. We went to Tropics after the doctor's office and then out to a great Chinese restaurant, Hong Kong City (said to be the best Chinese restaurant in Broward) located on 441 (State Road 7) on the west side of 441 a couple of blocks north of Commercial Blvd. So we actually had a nice evening.
And Dieter is taking everything in stride and wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. He's enjoying life and will continue to and will not dwell on what might or might not happen in the future. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he gets the best results. And he's a tough old bird and I hope things will be fine and it will turn out to be only stage III
and live goes on . . .
Thursday 11:04 01/22/04
Another day and it wasn't so bad. I went to the gym while Dieter went to his primary doctor to make his appoints for the scans he needs before we go back to his cancer doctor on Feb. 4. I went to the gym earlier than usual and only saw one old man naked. He has longish white hair and I had seen him before but never naked. This time he was finishing showering when I was and I got to watch him dry off. He has a slim, but longish dick. He was the best looking old man I've seen in the gym but also not the worst. And that was it for the gym.
The rest of the day was burning DVD to ship out tomorrow.
Dieter and I did go swimming about 4:00 PM. The old man that I met in the sauna (the one from the building next to ours that goes swimming in our pool) and later I saw naked in the shower area, was at the pool. He was finished with his swim and was reading a newspaper in one of the lounge chairs beside the pool. I greeted him and he greet me back but didn't pay any attention to me afterward. Oh, well, I did have fun chatting with him in the sauna as I pulled on my dick and really enjoyed seeing him naked. I had expected more reaction from him at the pool. But on second thought, how he reacted is the same as other married men that I have had sex with reacted when ever I would see them in a public place. They would completely ignore me. So, it was to be expected that S ...... would ignore me at the pool even though I didn't have sex with him I think that he did get the idea that I was gay from my performance in the sauna. And of course he wouldn't have wanted to be seen associating with me in public! I hope to see him again in the sauna one of these days and then maybe he will not ignore me but eye my dick like the last time. Yea, that would be fun.
I haven't finished the story Snowball. Just can't concentrate enough to finish it. My mind keep coming back to Dieter's problem. But, will try to focus more on writing in the near future. Got to get some new stories out.
OK, bedtime for Bonzo!
Saturday 10:54PM 01/24/04
Friday Dieter and I had to go to Fort Dodge. I had to mail a batch of DVD's and Dieter had to pick up the stuff they give you to drink before doing a body scan. So we stay in town and when to Dudes. We got there about 7:15PM and it was packed. I saw lots of the regulars I usually see at Tropics. I also saw some old men I've never seen before. The bar is in a great location near the beach and within walking distance to Coral Ridge Towers and the Galt Ocean Mile with all of is high priced condos.
There was one old gray haired man name Robert that I first met in Acapulco over twenty years ago. I was spending a month in Acapulco when I ran into an old man from Chicago with a group of friends. Well he was looking at houses to buy in Acapulco and I went with them to see the beautiful home in a wealthy section of the city. Robert and his lover own the house. And let me tell you it was some house. Any, while Dieter and I was separated I run in to Robert while cruising one of the parks. He lives in Pompano Beach and I went to his apartment and got drunk. He's a fairly good looking man but very flamboyant, a little too much for me, but we did have sex. He tried to call me afterward but I wouldn't returns his calls. So, it was interesting to see him in the bar with a young guy. He didn't recognize me, at least I don't think so.
Dieter and I got seats at the end or the bar, at least Dieter got a seat and I stood at the corner. An old man I didn't know was seated next to me. He was balding, skinny and wearing jeans. I thought he was interesting looking. I also spotted a tall old man seated about in the middle of the bar. The nice handsome English stud that frequent Tropics spent a lot of time talking to him, so it seems I wasn't the only one to find him interesting. Well, why I mentioned these two old men is because after the piano player took a break and the bar crowd thinned out both of the old men when to the bathroom at the same time. Well, naturally I followed them in. And as luck would have it there was an empty urinal between the two old men. Hell, I couldn't resist looking over the partition to the old man that had been sitting beside me. His dick was long and thin and uncut. I don't think he liked me looking at him pissing because he flipped it back into his jeans as quick as possible. So I just turned my hand and looked over the partition on the other side at the old man that the English stud had been entertaining and found myself looking down at a big white snake. And the old man didn't hurry himself as he pissed and I watched. It was fun. Made my night.
Now, I think I'm too old for the usual old men that go to Dudes, but if you are younger and looking for older, give it a try. If you are older looking for older, you've have better luck at Tropics or Chardee's.
Today, I didn't to jack shit! Didn't go for my walk! Didn't go to the gym! Let's see what tomorrow brings?
Sunday 3:36PM 01/25/04
I got a letter this week among my orders from a man that made me stop and think. I had canceled his passwords because I thought he might be sharing his passwords. I think in the meantime I have given him new passwords. I don't know why he wrote me a letter instead of sending an e-mail. Maybe he wanted it to be more personal. He told me in his letter than he is taking care of his ailing mother who isn't given much longer to live but keeps hanging on. And he said how my website and especially my journal helped to keep him sane during his troubled times. I was touched by his letter and reminded that sometimes my website is much more than just a place where pictures of old men are stored. Here's my reply to his letter:
Dear Mr. M . . . .,
Thank you so much for your very touching letter. Yes, I know where Columbus, GA
is and have been there several times as my Grandmother and some aunts use to
live up there when I was a little kid. To me it was a huge city and very strange
and frightening. I couldn't imagine living in such a big city and so many
strangers. It was a distance, frightening land for me at the time.
I am sorry if I upset you by canceling your passwords. But this all started when
I got an e-mail from the owner of Silvermen saying that a Korean website was
giving out my passwords. Well, I really can't tell how is sharing their
passwords but by looking at how many hits and downloads each username has, I get
a general idea. Well, I have a tendency to over react to most situation. I have
a mentality of me against them. So I just started deleting the top users knowing
that I would surely get the right person! So, you got caught up in my
enthusiastic response. I think I gave you new passwords already, if not, please
e-mail me and I'll promptly do so.
Thanks for sharing with me the troubled times you are going through. I do hope
things gets better for you in the near future.
I sometime wish I wasn't so rash with my decisions then maybe I would be more
liked by those out there in cyber space. But we are the way we are, although I
guess I surely should learn to think through all my decisions more thoroughly
before making them.
I often think why should someone read my daily dribble. I do try to be honest to
my journal as though I was writing it only for my eyes, but it is difficult.
Because, I often wonder, how can anyone like the person I am portraying in my
journal. Just like I often think, how would anyone ever love a person that makes
and stars in porno movies! I sometimes feel like making the movies has destroyed
my life forever. Surely should something happen to dieter no one would ever love
the person depicted in my journal.
Again, thanks for sharing your troubled times.
Later,
Pete
Well, I realized even as I wrote the e-mail that I have hidden something the past few days from my journal. I'm almost panicking about even the possibility that Dieter's condition will be judged life threatening. And maybe associated with the feeling of panic or just the thoughts of being left alone, I have started thinking about someone else to replace Dieter should I be left alone. I met Dieter only a week after Frank's death. Maybe I can live alone now, but I'm not so sure.
Anyway, I had lunch not long ago with a wonderful man. And in an e-mail I told him the truth, that I had admired him since he first introduced himself over a year ago. Now, I must not have talked him more than a total of thirty minutes this pass year, but I really like him. And when I had lunch (it was sort of a business lunch) with him it just reinforced my feeling that he was a great guy. I told him so in the e-mail. He replay was very nice and invited me and Dieter or just me alone out to dinner with him. He said that I was "handsome and had lots of personality". Well, a hell of a lot of people will beg to differ on either of those opinions. Then he called and left a couple of messages on my cell phone.
He is a hell of a nice man and I fear that if I see him, especially have a romantic dinner alone with him that I'll just fall head over heels in love with him. And at the moment I can't allow myself to do that. Dieter is my life and my responsibility and I will not let my own desires and needs stand in the way of making sure that he is as happy as I can make him be. So, I had to sort of write an e-mail to this wonderful man stating something like that. And of course I haven't heard from him since.
Even without Dieter in the picture, I would have two problems with "Mr. Wonderful". First he's wealthy. I feel uncomfortable around people with lots of money. Guess that all goes back to how poor my family were when I was growing up and how when I was selling tomatoes at a road side stand and rich people would stop by to buy some, they made me feel embarrassed. I remember this one handsome old man name Mr. Cooper that would stop by my stand and buy a basket of tomatoes. I felt like he was the king of the world. I would practically give him the tomatoes free even though he was richer than God. I felt like I owed it to him. That the only way I was ever going to be able to do anything nice for him was lower my prices just for him. Yea, crazy, isn't it. Well, I still have the poor boy with no shoes on attitude when it comes to wealthy people. I mainly keep out of sight from them.
Second, I'm not old enough for "Mr. Wonderful" and I am too fat! He likes them old and skinny. Well, I'm older but not old and let's face it, even for someone that needs new glasses, I could never be confused with a skinny guy. So, why, with his taste in men would he want to wine and dine me. If he just wants to be my friend he doesn't have to invite me out to dinner. The third things he likes is big dicks. Well, I guess I might just fit into that preference. But he likes to fuck. And if truth be known I haven't been fucked in over 24 years and then only about four time in my life! And unless he has a small dick . . . it wouldn't be any fun for me.
But all that said, if Dieter wasn't in the picture and "Mr. Wonderful" really liked me. I guess I would do most anything for him. But, baby, you better believe that I would have to be damn sure that he really like me to let him fuck me.
So, am I going straight to hell for having thoughts about others when Dieter is still in the picture and hopefully will be in the picture for a long time? Part of me says yes and part of me say no. (Hell, I am a Gemini, you know) (and to be honest neither of parts believe in heaven or hell). But what I am is a survivor. And a survivor must look at situations in a practical, matter of fact manner if they are going to survive. And let me tell you, if something happens to Dieter, I am going to have to survive and go on with my life.
And life goes on . . .
Monday 9:08 PM 01/26/04
Gee, almost lost a couple nights posting in the journal trying to correct the link to the journal. Don't know what I did wrong. But somehow I saved it (only by having two computers).
Well the view at the gym was good. Saw several of the regular old men bare ass naked and the sights were delight. Just can't get enough eye old eye candy.
This week is going to be busy. I have to go to Fort Lauderdale to mail some videos and then to the Swap Shop market to buy fruits for the week. And Dieter has to go for his scan. And then tomorrow night me and Dieter are invited to Erdale's for dinner. He's a very nice man and I'm sure the dinner party is going to be very nice. I look forward to party, although I always get nervous about going to dinner parties. On Thursday night, Sal and Erwin are coming over for dinner. I also had Dieter invite the old man from upstairs. I told Sal that he had to talk only about straight stuff around the old men. Let's see how that goes. And then on Friday night Sal and Erwin want to go with us to Dudes for the piano bar. It's going to be a busy week!
I am looking forward to having the old man from upstairs over for dinner. I'm going to have to talk to Sal again. I think I'll have him feel out the old man to see if he has any gay tendencies. Dieter was laughing with the old man over the phone. He asked Dieter if there were going to be any women. I thought that was strange. Dieter told him no that we were inviting two friends from Tamarac. And I think the old man was pleased that there's not going to be any women at the party. I have all week to fantasize about the old man. I'm sure that at the party I'll see just how straight he is and that will burst my bubble, but until then . . .?
Dieter and I talk about his cancer. Dieter isn't upset. He doesn't think it has spread outside of his leg. But we do talk about what happens to me if things turn out for the worse. He's really concerned about my future. I don't think he is worrying about himself, at least not yet. As he said, it's not something that is going to happen next month. And he feels fine so the urgency isn't here. And we don't know anything for sure until Feb. 4 when we have out face to face with the cancer doctor. And there are lots of clinical trials if it turns out to be stage 4. Still, I think some nights he stays awake thinking about the situation for a while.
Our building is have a Valentine Day dinner at Gibby's Steak House. One of the ladies came around today collecting money for it. After wards I told Dieter that it's going to be strange for the both of us going to a Valentine dinner together. But, hell, I think everyone one already knows that we are gay. I would be shocked if the old man upstairs didn't know. It's nice that our building is so social! Sure, it will be boring. Dieter says all these old people are socially starved. But, I like it even if it is boring because it makes me feel like being a part of the community.
Tuesday 4:52 01/27/04
Didn't go on my walk or to the gym as I got up late this morning. Dieter that to leave the apartment at 10:00AM for his scan so I just didn't have time. I could have gone after he left, but I had to go to Fort Lauderdale and stop by the Swap Shop market on 441 in Margate for some tropical fruits for the party on Thursday. I decided to go the market first and was glad I did as they first thing I did was to go the bathroom in the snack bar and found two older men already taking a piss at the urinals. I took the urinal next to the old guy nearest the door and got a good look as his dick before he finished.
After he left I looked over to the other old men. He was tall and skinny with white hair and blond hair on his arms. He looked to be in his 70's. I moved over to the urinal next to him after I realized that he wasn't pissing but just showing his uncut, slim but long dick. His dick was reddish in keeping with his light complexion. His hand left hand was hang down beside his leg and he kept moving it toward me as I started to jack off while the old man watched intently. But I didn't want him to grab my dick as I was afraid someone would come into the bathroom at any moment. So when his hand got to near my dick, I flared out my elbow and pushed his hand back. But I did enjoy looking as it hairy arm and his wrinkled hand so near to my swollen dick, which I was jacking as hard and as fast as I could. Then while I enjoyed the sight of his dick, I shot off in the urinal. It felt wonderful to have the old man watch me cum. I glanced at him and he smile and me. I smiled back and left the bathroom with him still standing at the urinal waiting for the next one.
In spite of cumming, I stopped by the bathroom at Carol Ridge. There were the usual group of old men that only like other old men sitting at a table on the opposite side of the room. No one came in except a younger straight guy while I was inside. But if you are an old man looking for other old men, that's a hot place.
Thursday 3:49PM 01/29/04
I set down last night to write in my journal but then started searching google.com for information on melanoma. After reading several articles, I just didn't feel like writing in the journal. Will be glad when Feb. 4th rolls around so that we will learn the seriousness of his condition. If it turns out to be stage IV then I almost certain he wouldn't go into a clinical trial. But, let's just wait and see with the oncologist says. Maybe it not as serious as I think it is.
Dieter feels great. He's not sick at all. By that I mean he doesn't feel sick or have any pain. It's sort hard for him to think that a few black spots on his get can be life threatening. Now, if the oncologist (I think that means cancer doctor) tell him it's stage IV then I think he'll finally react.
Yesterday we went to Hong Kong City for dim sum (Chinese lunch dumplings) as Dieter has just discovered them. But being the German that he is, he ordered duck feet along with shrimp dumplings and I could hardly sit across the table watching him eating his duck feet in oyster sauce. There are thing that don't go into my mouth and duck feet is one of them. Next time he wants to try chicken feet. Just the thoughts make me feel nauseated. Anyone want to go to Hong Kong City with him in my place?
Tonight we are having Sal and Erwin over for dinner along with Ted from upstairs and the old man A.... also from upstairs. Five old gay men and one old straight man. Now that might be an interesting mix. Just wonder if the old man will ever talk to us again after dinner tonight? But then no one at the party is flamboyant so he might not ever realized that everyone except him is gay. Like I said it will be interesting.
I've got the apartment all cleaned. The table is set. Still have to make shrimp plates with cocktail sauce, a sun dried tomato and goat cheese salad. Then shove the crab and scallop cakes in the over, warm the beets, and cook the spinach. Then it's dinner time. Yes, Shawn, same menu I served you and Roger. And I'll kept serving the same menu until I start inviting people back for the second time. Then I switch to a new menu and serve it until I start a third round. That's the easiest way to entertain. OK, time to hit the shower!
Saturday 12:03PM 01/31/04
Well this month is almost history. Wonder what next month will bring. I do think because of Dieter's cancer that it will be a historic month for me. Will know all of the fact come Feb. 4th.
The party was depressing I had on Thursday. A.... from up stairs was a shit. He didn't eat the shrimp cocktail . . . "not Kosher" he says. Ate maybe two forks full of my special crab/scallops cakes, none of the spinach or beets. Actually said I was not a good cook. Can you believe that old man. Said only Jewish women from the old country could cook. Well that's the last time I'll invite a Kosher Jew to my home for dinner. He should have told me that he only eats Kosher and I wouldn't have invited him. Well, even though the rest of the guests praised my cooking, I was devastated by his comments. People, not myself, consider me a very good cook so I just have to chalk his comments up to his taste in Kosher plain Jewish cooking and his age.
Outside of that, the party went very well. Ted from upstairs is a very nice man (although not my type at all!!!) He is 57 and very slim (oh hell, I'll take a picture of him and post it). He talked me into buying a tennis racket and we'll start playing tennis together soon. It's been over twenty years since I played tennis. And I'm sure that playing will help me loose weight.
The conversation was nice but did turn rather gay at the end. I am certain that there's no doubt in A.... mind now that Dieter and I are gay. We will have to see how he acts toward us in the future, not that I give a rats ass after his comment at the party.
Ted agrees with me that older gays will really start buying condos here in the near future. He also looked at Palm Aire and agreed with me and Dieter that here is a much better buy and better place to live. The apartment are about the same size and we have so many more amenities that Palm Aire. I'll going to talk to Ted about trying to start a gay club here in the near future. With over 9,000 people living here, there has got to me hundreds of gays in the complex. Of course most of them might still be in the closet and might not want to exposed themselves by joining a gay club. But it's worth a try.
Went to the gym yesterday and saw a couple more old men naked that I haven't seen before. And J...., the chubby old man with the mustache that comes first into the sauna with his bathing suite and later with out, came in while I was sitting in the sauna. We chatted. And some how I told him that I have a website and that I'm living with another man. He asked if I had ever been married and I told him no. So, I don't know what's going to happen with him now that I revealed so much to him. He's got to realize I'm gay, as he's a very bright man. I think he in his mid 70's. I do hope he will continue to chat with me and come into the sauna naked as I love looking at his big balls. He also has a nice cut dick. So will have to see how he reacts to me. And to see if word will spread around the gym that I'm gay? Going to be interesting to see who talks to me now and who doesn't.
Me, Dieter and Ted when for a drinks at Dudes last night. It's really a pleasant bar during cocktail hour while the piano player is playing. There's some nice old men that go there. But I think next week we'll go to Tropics or even maybe Chardee's.
I should have written in the journal yesterday but was sort of depressed from A.... comments and just didn't feel like writing. But, I'm already thinking about my next party. Maybe I'll have one later next week?