Judgment

I’m tried of the bars, I thought as I walk into Tropics. Houston is singing a beautiful song as only he can as I push my way through the crowd near the piano and then on to the back of the bar. Same faces, including mine. I tried to recall how excited coming to Tropics and Chardee’s used to make me feel, but I couldn’t quite duplicate that long ago state of mine. It’s lost. As I look around the bar while waiting to be noticed by a bartender, I realize that I will never again have that magical feeling.

Now I’m just here to get out of my tiny apartment and have a drink. I know, looking over the familiar faces around me, that I’m never going to meet Mr. Right here. That sense that he is going to be the next one in the door, or the next one to push up to the bar beside me to order a drink, is gone. My dreams are gone. I know now that I will never be rich and probably will never love again. At least not in the way I have loved before. Guess once you know real love you just can’t settle for anything less. And looking around the bar, all I could see is less, much less.

Oh, the first few months after my lover died, I had high hopes. I had visited Tropics and Chardee’s ever night and each night I had been certain that I would meet Mr. Wonderful. Well, I just kept meeting Mr. Lust until I finally had come to realize that love come seldom a second time, if ever.

Lifting the Budweiser that the bartender places in front of me, I take a sip as I wait for the change. I take the bills, but shove a dollar forward. Then with my Bud in my hand I go over to stand beside the fish tank. I feel like the fish. I feel that everyone is looking at me. Whispering. That’s the one that makes the porno movies. How could he have sex with all those guys and still say he loved his lover? What a slimy person.

Yea, that’s me, I think. With a sigh, I push the pain into a corner of my mind where I can almost forget it. I lift the beer to my lips and take a long drink. I want to get drunk. I need to. It helps me forget. Then I spot a swishy younger guy that keeps writing nasty things about me on the internet and smile. I feel sorry from him. He’s consumed with jealousy. He goes by the handle of Mr. Nice Boy, but inside himself he has such self doubt that it spills over into his personality that is anything but nice. Funny how people chose names for themselves that are opposite to their true personality. I glance away from his prissy features, he’s inconsequential and not worth my time or even a stray thought.

“Hi.”

I glance to my right. Standing beside me is a man who looks to be in his late sixties. He’s tall and skinny and ugly but in a pleasant way. His ears are huge. So is his nose. His short cropped hair is grey. The old man smiles. His smile is different. One I haven’t seen in years. It . . . it looks real!

“Hello.” I answer and stop at that.

“You from here?” The old man asks. He green eyes bore into him like he’s desperate.

“Look, I’m just in here for a beer.” I tell him not wanting a long come on. “If you’re looking for sex, you have the wrong person. I make porno videos and I get enough sex doing them.” I tell him bluntly. I don’t need another horny vacationer looking for sex. Hell, I should have stayed at home and watched PBS.

“Really, you make porno movies?” The tall old man asks. He looks over his glass at me as he takes a drink. His eyes are sad. I wonder if mine are sad?

“Ask anyone here.” I state.

“Is it fun?” The old man asks.

“It’s work.” I tell him.

“Oh. Yes, I can see that it might not be as romantic as most people think.” The old man says. He brushes his left hand against my leg. “Are you alone?” He asks.

“Very alone, but that doesn’t mean I want company.” I tell the old man as he looks me directly in the eyes. I see that sadness in his eyes again. It’s like a mirror image of what I have seen in my eyes for the last few months.

“Oh.” The old man says but he doesn’t leave. “But I think you need company as much as I do.”

Suddenly I find myself smiling. “You don’t give up easily, do you?”

“Not when I see something that I want.” The old man says. He slowly lifts his drink and takes a sip.

“I’m not interested in sex.” I tell him again.

“Neither am I.”

His words catch me off guard. I look him in the eyes. I see a flicker of hope in his eyes and wonder how long has it been since I have seen hope in my own eyes. “Look, you seem to be a nice guy. You really don’t want to get mixed up with me. Like I said, I make porno movies. That means I also am in them having sex.”

“I told you I wasn’t looking for sex.” The old man says and smiles.

“Then what are you looking far?” I say getting annoyed.

“Love. Someone to make love to. That’s different from sex, you know.” The tall old man tells me in an earnest voice that cut into my mind like a hot knife through butter. When’s the last time I made love? I found myself thinking.

I sigh. “I’ve heard that line before.” I say knowing that there is suddenly great sadness in my eyes as I remember Frank and what making love really is.

“Not from me you haven’t.” The old man answers.

“No, but people like you. Snow birds.” I say and start to walk away from him.

“I live here. Have for forty years.” He says. His words stop me in my tracks.

“Then why haven’t I seen you here before?”

“I had a lover and we stuck close to home. Never liked bars.” The old man took another sip of his drink. “And still don’t.”

“What happened? You break up with your lover?” I ask looking directly in his green eyes.

“No, he died of a heart attack.” The old man says with great sadness in his voice.

“Mine too. My friend died of a heart attack.” I say. I suddenly feel the urge to move closer to the old man.

“Hard, isn’t it.” I look confused. “Hard to find someone in a bar I mean.” He says.

“Yea. Very hard.” I answer.

“Want to come home with me?” The old man asks. His voice is sad but hopeful.

“OK.” I answer. What the hell. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.

The old man immediately places his drink on the bar in front of the fish tank and heads through the crowd toward the door. I follow and as I approach the spot at the bar where Mr. Wishes he-was-a-nice-boy is sitting, the prissy boy tries to catch my eye, but I ignore him.

Outside I find the old man waiting watching the door as I step out onto the sidewalk. He is smiling. His smile is real and contagious I smile back.

“You are handsome.” The old man says.

I laugh. “Guess you need glasses. There’s a certain person in the bar that thinks I resemble a rat.” I tell him.

“Well, he’s the one that needs glasses.” The old man says.

I think both of you need glasses. I laugh and the old man laughs too. When I stop laughing, I smile suddenly feeling happy for the first time in months. “I’ll follow you.” I say.

“No. Ride with me. I don’t want you out of my sight.” The old man says and suddenly is looking serious.

“But my car . . . ”

“Please. Leave it. Ride with me.” The old man says.

I can’t resist the sudden desperation in his voice. “Sure.” I say and follow him as he crosses the street. The big sleek BMW he approaches is racy red in color and looks fast. The old man starts telling me his life story as he cranks the powerful BMW’s engine and zips away from his parking spot.

I see that he’s heading toward Las Olas. It makes me nervous. I don’t like people with money. They always seem arrogant to me. But then I glance over at the old man and he seems anything but arrogant. He’s as down to earth as anyone I have met in a long time. That’s what I get for stereotyping people.

I try to ignore the huge mansion that he takes me to. But it’s hard. Suddenly I wonder what I doing here. The guy is out of my league. “Hey, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” I speak up.

“Why, what’s the matter.” The old man says as he parks the BMW in a four-car garage occupied by two Mercedes and a Jag.

“Well. Like I said in the bar, I not interested in sex. In a one night stand.” I say.

The old man looks me directly in the eye. “Please don’t hold it against me because I have money.” He says. His voice once again is almost pleading. “I can see it in your expression. You’re suddenly not comfortable.” I looked hard at the old man. He smiled. He nods his head toward the garage door. “Come on inside.”

Finally I too smile. What the hell! A one night stand with him isn’t all that bad, I tell myself as I follow him out of the garage. I glare as expensive furniture and oriental rugs in room after room I am lead through until finally we come to a bedroom. It is breath taking beautiful. The wallpaper along must have cost the old man a fortune. Not to mention the Greek statue decorating one corner of the bedroom. Even in it’s chipped and scared condition the statue radiates beauty. The bedroom is like a center piece in a copy of Architectural Digest.

The old man stops and turns to face me as he nears the bed. I pause. He walks toward me stopping so close that I can smell his natural maleness. I like how he smells, not disguised by expensive perfumes that he could well afford. His scent triggers a sudden desire in me. I don’t flinch when he steps nearer and puts his long strong arms around me and hugs me. I find myself hugging him back, first lightly and then with passion as my sudden need for the old man rushes over me.

We kiss. He presses his big full lips against mine. I open my mouth. His tongue slides inside. I love the clean taste of his tongue as it borrows deep into my mouth and then down my throat. He presses his mouth hard against mine, driving his tongue even deeper into my throat. I respond to the building passion his kiss releases. I hug the old man even tighter as I return his kiss with more passion than I could ever remember feeling before. God, please make this more than a one night stand.

The old man breaks off his kiss. He steps back and looks at me. “You don’t look like you have a big cock.” The old man says out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” I ask. “In your video you look like you have a huge cock. But in person you don’t show a trace of a bulge in your crotch.” The old man says.

“You have seen one of my videos?” I ask.

“All three of them. I think they are hot. I’ve been jacking off the pass few months every night as I watch your big dick spewing cum.” The old man tells me as he reaches forward and grabs my crotch. “Yes, now I feel it. Thick even when it’s soft.” He adds.

“You came to the bar looking for me.” I accuse.

“Yes. I’ve been going to the bar every night this week hoping that you would be there.” The old man tells me as brushes his hand through his long white head of hair and then slowly begins to unbutton his short. I see the white hair on his chest. It is thick. I suddenly want to run my fingers though it. I reach out and touch his hairy chest.

“Lots of guys get turned on by my hairy chest.” The old man says as he pulls his shirt completely off. “I got white pubic hair also.” He says. His fingers move down and began unbuckling his belt. “And I got a big dick. Bigger even than yours.” He says with pride as he pulls first his gray slacks down and then his jockey shorts. “See.”

My eyes zero in on his crotch. The old man didn’t lie. His crotch is a mass of pure white hair. His dick, although soft, hangs down over his big watery balls like some pale white snake attached to his body. I’ve seen lots of dicks in my life but never one with the portions of his monster.

“You should be the one making videos.” I tell him as I hurriedly start undressing.

“Well, my wife might not like seeing me in a dirty video.” He says as he reaches down and lifts his huge fat dick.

“You’re married!” I exclaim.

“Yea but we haven’t lived together for twenty years. Just a marriage of convenience.” The old man says. “You know. I have to look respectable.” He adds as he skins back his foreskin. His dick head is slightly pointed and red. “Do you like to be fucked?” He asks.

“No.” I tell him.

“Then that what I am going to do to you. I’m going to fuck you with my big dick.” He warns me.

His words cause my own dick to harden. I fear taking his monster dick, but at the same time I want it. I want to be his. I want to give the old man all the pleasure I can even if it means pain. I step out of my red boxer shorts and stand naked before the naked old man.

Suddenly he turns around and bends over and grabs the bed with his hands. “Eat my ass! I want you to do something to me that I haven’t seen you do in one of your videos.”

I hesitate.

“Come on and eat it!” The old man demands. His voice sounds fatherly and stern. It reminds me of my father’s voice. I find myself kneeling down behind his ass. “Stick your tongue inside my asshole.”

I reach between the old man’s legs and grab his long dick in my hand as I press my face between the cheeks of his ass. My lips touch his silky ass bud. I kiss it like I was kissing his lips. Then as the old man lets out a moan, I flick my tongue out and touch it to his asshole. The old man moans louder. Then as I start tonguing his asshole, I also start jacking his long thick dick.

The old man’s asshole is tight but as I lick and press the tip of my tongue against it, his asshole loosens up until I am able to get the tip of it inside him.

“Yes. Do dirty things to me.” The old man calls out as I force my tongue deeper inside his asshole. “God! That feels great. Deeper. Fuck me with your tongue.” He orders in the deep fatherly voice that I find impossible to resist.

I work my tongue completely inside his asshole, feeling the silky inside of his ass pussy. I love the feeling. And then as he asked, I began to work my tongue in and out of his asshole. The old man starts hunching. I love knowing that I am giving the old man pleasure. I work my tongue harder and faster. He hunches like crazy as his huge dick springs to full size.

“That’s enough! I don’t want to cum yet.” The old man says as he pulls his ass from my reach. He turns around and faces me as I stay kneeled down on the floor. His huge dick is pointed directly toward my mouth. He takes a step toward me and suddenly his monster dick in pressed against my lips. “Suck it like I’ve watched you suck those old guys’ dicks on your videos.”

His words make me feel cheep. But I get a strange pleasure out of what he says as I grab his thick white snake and open my mouth. He shoves his dick so far down my throat that I gag.

“Come on you can do better than that! Suck it.” He orders and shoves it back down my throat.

I fight to keep from gagging again. His dick reaches impossibly deep down my throat. I feel like I am swallowing a sword. I don’t know what keeps me from gagging. But somehow I manage to deep throat the old man’s entire dick.

“Yea! Take it you fucking slut! Take it all!” The old man calls out as he reaches down and grabs me behind the head. I manage to take his mouth fucking! His dick hurts my throat yet I don’t protest. I want to please him so much! “Damn, you have a hot warm mouth. Just like I thought you would.” The old man calls out in a voice filled with pleasure. I enjoy knowing that I am giving him pleasure.

“I wonder how man dicks you’ve sucked.” The all man says as he fucks my mouth ever harder. “How man people have cumed in your mouth.” He adds. “God! I could shoot off in your mouth right now.” The old man yells. But suddenly he shoves me back as he pulls his dick out of my mouth.

I fall back on the oriental rug.

“Lift them legs.” The old man calls out. “You are about to get fucked by the biggest dick in Florida.” The old man adds as he pulls a tub of KY from a mahogany night stand beside the bed.

Even though I knew that I was in for a great deal of pain, I wanted the old man to fuck me. He was standing over me tall and handsome. So fatherly looking. I wanted to please daddy. I want to be his boy. I wanted to give him all the pleasure he wanted no matter how much it hurt.

Then the old man kneels down between my legs. I lift my head and watch him guide the head of his huge dick toward my tight asshole. He looks into my eyes. His green eyes are afire with passion. His face is stern and determined like I remember my father’s face when he would have me an order.

“I’m going to fuck me a slut.” The old man says as he presses the big head of his dick against my asshole. I feel the coolness of the KY. Then I gasp. The pain is incredible as the old man applies pressure to the head of his dick. It feels like he is trying to enter me with a baseball bat. I grit my teeth to keep from crying out. I want to please him. I want him to be mine. I think I’m falling in love with him.

“Hell, I didn’t expect a slut like you to have such a nice tight asshole.” The old man says as he pushes his hips forward.

The head of his dick pops into my asshole. I cry out! The pain brings tears to my eyes.

“God! You are tight. Love your tight asshole!” The old man says. “Take more of my dick. Slut!”

I feel him forcing more of his huge long dick inside me. The pain causes my back to arch. But the smile on the old man’s face keeps me from telling him to stop. I want to please him so me that I bit my lip and say nothing as he shoves more of his huge dick inside me. I fell like I can’t take another inch but he keeps shoves more and more dick into me. Finally, I have all of him inside of me. I feel good in spit of the pain. I am his. All his. I can take him and give him the pleasure he wants.

“Now I’m going to fuck you like you never been fucked, Slut!” The old man tells me as he stares into my eyes with his wild passion inflamed green eyes. “Your asshole is never going to be the same.”

Then the old man starts pumping his long dick in and out of me with such speed and power that I almost faint. I can’t decide which is greater the pain or the pleasure. It hurts like hell, but it also feels great to have such a huge dick moving rapidly in and out of my asshole. I feel like a woman getting fucked. I like the thought. I like knowing that I can give the old man such pleasure. Surely he is enjoying it even more than me. Surely he loves me! God! I love him. I want to be his boy!

“I’m cuming!” The old man calls out as I feel his body tensing up. He jerks his dick out of my asshole. Points his dick head toward my face and shoots off. I feel cum striking my stomach, chest and then my chin as great gobs of white sperm flies from the head of his dick.

The old man shakes himself like a wet dog. Then he stands up over me. I look up into his stern face and began jacking off. I can feel the old man’s cum dripping of my chin and running down my neck. My dick is rock hard. I want the old man to see me shoot off on myself.

“Hey, I got to go to bed. You mind getting dress. I’ll call you a cab.” The old man says and turns his back on me. I watch in disbelief as he walks over to a telephone on the night stand on the left side of the bed and pick up the receiver and begins to dial a number.

My dick deflates like a severely punctured tire. One moment it is rock hard and another moment it is limp in my hand. I sit up as I listen to him giving the dispatcher his address. When he finishes he turns to me. “The cab will only be five minutes. You need to get dressed.” He pulls out his wallet and draws a hundred-dollar bill out. He tosses it on the floor next to me. “Here’s cab fare.” He says.

I ignore the money as I climb to my feet. “Why didn’t you let me drive my car if you didn’t want me to spend the night with you?” I ask.

“Please, I can have a trick’s car parked in my driveway, especially something as common as what you drive.” He says. His face a sneer.

“When will I see you again?” I ask knowing the answer already.

“Oh, I’ll call you sometime.” He says hurriedly.

“Yea, I am sure you will, Asshole.” I say as I grab my shirt and shorts and quickly dress.

“What do you expect?” The old man says. His face betraying his true feelings. “You are nothing but a slut. A would be porno star. Get used to it.”

Rage builds up inside me. But then I smile. “Thanks for the lesson.” I tell the old man as I turn and walk out of the bedroom. “Guess I forgot my place.” I say over my shoulder. I want to strike out and destroy something, but don’t, knowing that it’s really my own fault. I took the first step down the path that lead to his, not him, I think as I walked out into the hot night air. But whatever he things I am, he wrong. Even if I am the only one that knows it.